January – Mei Lan's Zoo Atlanta debut delayed after China recalls hundreds of lead-tainted pandas.
February – Electronic devices depicting characters from Cartoon Network's "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" cause bomb scare in Boston. Gov. Perdue holds prayer vigil at Capitol asking God to provide Boston-area law enforcement with basic cable.
March – Three months after its football team won national title, University of Florida Gators basketball team arrives at Georgia Dome and does same thing. Fuckers.
April – Whitney Houston's and Bobby Brown's divorce becomes final. Gov. Perdue holds prayer vigil, demanding God force Houston to reteam with Kevin Costner for sequel to The Bodyguard.
May – Radio consumer guru Clark Howard hints he may run for mayor in 2009. He vows to move Atlanta City Hall to Douglasville, since real estate is cheaper there.
June – Norton the whale shark is euthanized by Home Depot founder and Georgia Aquarium benefactor Bernie Marcus days after the giant fish is spotted shopping at Lowe's.
July – Two months after new World of Coca-Cola opens adjacent to Georgia Aquarium, downtown is evacuated after teens smuggle Pop Rocks and Mentos past museum security.
August – Atlanta Falcons star Michael Vick admits in federal court to being first quarterback in NFL history to run 1,000 yards and an illegal dogfighting ring in single season.
September – Delta announces first nonstop Atlanta-to-China route. "Now Atlantans can enjoy traditional and typical of Chinese glonous history and cultual, without a layover in L.A. or Detroit," company spokesman boasts.
October – Georgia Supreme Court orders release of Genarlow Wilson after he served two years in prison for receiving oral sex at teen house party. Republican lawmakers, arguing that oral sex should be limited to married men in airport restrooms, are outraged.
November – Atlanta police Chief Richard Pennington suggests 2007's citywide crime wave is result of New Orleanians in Atlanta. The next day, Pennington issues clarification, noting that although he moved to Atlanta from New Orleans in 2002, he wasn't referring to himself.
December – Gov. Perdue meets with Jesus, and governors of Alabama and Florida, to negotiate sharing of Chattahoochee River water during record drought. Perdue holds prayer vigil demanding God turn Alabama and Florida into pillars of salt.
He didn't ask for any of this. She took it upon herself to start this…
Not a huge fan of the ankle cuff sneakers that Serena (and KD) are wearing…
Kind of strange that some random lady started a GoFundMe for that kid. I'm curious…
Can Tim Lee get any more pitiful?
Are my nards going to get irradiated?