The Boxman 
Member since Jul 7, 2008

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I live in a box, I ask people for change. You can find me at



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Re: “Style sheet: wheat beers

Presidential write in candidate Gabe Newman has been feverously raising funds for his Presidential campaign. Gabe has committed himself to foregoing federal election funds and raising money from the common man. Unfortunately the only fundraising skill Gabe has is an assorted collection of bar tricks and he is raising funds a dollar at a time.

Gabe’s staff did hold a fundraiser auctioning off a Pong a Long Beer pong table did bring out some ardent supporters; it still is not enough to air his first commercial. Thus candidate Newman must increase his base of supporters, to do this he is opening campaign offices. Actually they are already open as his campaign does not have enough money for office space, deposits for lights and phones, and paid staff is far beyond the campaign’s reach. His campaign staff is designated a series of bars as official campaign headquarters.

Our national campaign headquarters is located at Allgood Lounge ( in Athens, Ga. It is Gabe’s favorite place as drunken girls, tiki bars, and leather furniture have a certain appeal to Gabe, everyone has their peccadillo. Stop in for a drink and talk policy with Gabe in his executive suite with its rich leather chairs. Sorry we could not splurge on the Corinthian leather. Gabe has an open door policy; he also has an open bottle policy, if you bring him an open bottle of beer he will talk to you.

To be of better service to his supporter’s office hours are from 5p to closing time. Nothing greases the wheels of democracy like a few beers at happy hour. Gabe declares that the cold war would have been avoided if everyone had just had a few drinks and talked about those damn missiles in Cuba. The campaign staff is looking to open other campaign offices, so if you have a favorite watering hole and are willing to be our onsite staff just let us know and we will send you are official Gabe Newman Campaign Headquarters Certificate for you to present to your favorite bar.

They just might give you a free beer for helping them receive this great honor. Plus your mom will be proud as we let all the newspapers and media in your town know that you have been named campaign chair for the Gabe’s campaign in your community. So be part of the solution this election season, and if you can’t do that at least have an excuse when the next president totally BLEEPs everything up even worse. Being intoxicated may not be an excuse in the eyes of the law but it is when it comes to who you voted for in the election.

Nominate your favorite bar, be named chairman of a political campaign, and see your name in print in the local paper. It is the all American ideal. You will be popular, wield power, and may have influence over the fate of the world. Ok, none of that may happen but it is sure to be a great bar story and may get people to buy you a drink. Send us your nominations for your local headquarters to Give us plenty of info about your bar does it have a website, a drink special, and most of all where is it located

Posted by Anonymous on 07/07/2008 at 7:34 PM

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