Draw on your thinnest mustache, kiddos. It's time for A John Waters Christmas at Variety Playhouse on Thurs., Dec. 13. Nicknamed the "Pope of Trash" and the "Prince of Puke," the Baltimore-born filmmaker (Pink Flamingos, Hairspray, A Dirty Shame) promises to put the "X in Xmas" in his critically acclaimed one-man show. All he asks is that you wear a nice sweater. Tickets are $35 and $99 VIP (includes early entrance and meet-and-greet after the show).