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AJC readers die of boredom
 

Hundreds of subscribers of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution have died of boredom after reading the politically correct newspaper!

“They just sort of collapse, their faces smudged with newsprint, after reading the paper,” said Fulton County pathologist Dr. Haskell Casket. “It’s so ironic to find a dead person lying right there on the Living section!”

So many readers have keeled over that Casket calls it “an epidemic of ennui.”

“They seem to go under really fast after reading all the conflicting opinions on the op-ed page,” the doctor said. “I guess the paper is trying so hard to please everybody with every side of every issue that there’s no way they can make it interesting enough to sustain life.”

Local journalism observers at Manuel’s Tavern said there was a silver lining to all the dead readers.

“Some of the dead readers make really interesting obituaries,” said one. “That’s the best part of the paper — fascinating obits about interesting people who keeled over reading the rest of the AJC.”

He also said he makes sure when he reads the obits not to read other parts of the Metro section.

“Man, that’s as deadly as the bite of a diamondback rattler,” he said. “One peek at another story on the laptop debate in Cobb County schools, and you’re picking up daisies!”

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