If I were one of President Obama's secret Muslim handlers, I'd be angry.
Their diabolical secret Muslim plan seemed foolproof: win the War On Terror™ by sneaking a charming, telegenic Kenyanesian member of their brotherhood into the White House! Genius!
So what if Hopey al-Changeypants wasn't born the U.S. We'll build a time machine that takes us to Hawaii, 1961 – where we'll stick "evidence" of Obama's American "birth" into hospital files and local newspapers. Allah provides!
And just to be safe, we'll sneak someone onto Straight Talk Express, where we'll whisper the worst possible campaign advice into John McCain's ear while he naps: "Pick Palin and you'll win over the all-important f**ktard-hockey-MILF-and-the-dudes-who-want-to-bone-them demographic."
The plan very nearly worked. Obama won. But instead of moving the White House to Mecca and replacing the "Star Spangled Banner" with some Cat Stevens song, Obama started acting all American-like.
He not only helped keep us out of another Great Depression, but he re-engineered our health care system in a way that will cover more people while saving money over the long term. And don't even get them started on the way he conducts his personal life. Instead of wearing traditional Muslim garb, he sports a suit and tie most places. His most recent physical revealed he drinks beer and smokes cigarettes. And his wife walks around without sleeves on everywhere she goes. What the hell kind of Muslim extremist is this guy? He's clearly gone native. He might even have Stockholm Syndrome.
More than anything, I bet Obama's Muslim handlers are quadruple ticked off at Obama's foreign policy shenanigans. The guy sent here to lose the War On Terror™ is doing way more to win it than his predecessor did.
He initiated the biggest anti-Taliban offensive in Afghanistan since President Bush lost his focus there in 2001. He also strong-armed Pakistan into launching its biggest-ever offensive against Talibandits in its own country.
And if that wasn't enough to make Obama the worst foreign-born radical Muslim secret agent in the history of the U.S. presidency, now the jerk is going out of his way to try to reduce the threat of nuclear war against the United States.
First, Obama reached a deal with Russia to reduce our nuclear weapons arsenals from 2,200 warheads to 1,550 warheads within seven years. The 650 warheads we're giving up won't reduce the ability of the U.S. to wage war; we still have the strongest nuclear and conventional military in the world, by far. But the deal accomplishes three big things for us. 1) It reduces the numbers of nukes pointed at us. Pretty great. 2) It gets us one step closer to the next big arms deal with Russia, where we hope to get them to scrap a lot of their small, so-called tactical nukes – the kind that are most likely to be stolen and sold on the black market. 3) It's a diplomatic tool. It's easier to get other nations to join your nonproliferation efforts when you yourself are shrinking your stockpile.
Of the three items on that list, the diplomacy bit is the one paying the quickest dividends. Obama just hosted leaders from 47 nations in Washington, D.C., where they not only talked, but actually did stuff to reduce the threat of nuclear war. Ukraine announced at the conference it was giving up all of the highly enriched uranium it has sitting around. HEU is the key ingredient for making nuclear weapons. Chile and Mexico also announced that they're going to hand over nuclear materials from research reactors.
Conference participants pledged to secure all loose nuclear materials in their countries within four years. The goal may not be met, but every bit of nuclear material secured between now and then is one fewer source of bomb material for terrorists. Remember, it only takes a grapefruit sized hunk of uranium to build a bomb.
It's as if Obama actually loves the United States or something. Weird, I know.
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