Art brut 

Vandals hit the High Museum of Art – and targeted the "The Roy Lichtenstein House III." A security guard said the Lichtenstein was spray-painted with red sometime between the hours of 5-8 a.m. The officer noted, "I did observe red paint on the yellow wall portion of the house." No suspects.

Quit yer beefing: In the Old Fourth Ward, an officer saw a blue Buick LeSabre driving on the wrong side of the road – and coming toward him. "I had to move out of the way to avoid getting hit by the vehicle," the officer wrote. The car was swerving from side to side on Morgan Street.

The officer turned on his blue lights and pulled over the driver, a 62-year-old man who immediately stepped out of the car. "The driver was eating a hamburger and refused to get back in his car," the officer noted. Five times, the officer asked him to get back in his car. "For what?" the driver asked, and continued munching on his hamburger. [The driver] "was then told to stop eating the hamburger and put his hands behind his back for reckless driving and obstruction for being noncompliant to verbal commands." The driver ignored the cop and focused on his burger. Eventually, the officer handcuffed the man, taking away his burger, and called for a towing company to come get the man's car. They waited there for an hour — during which time the driver asked the officer to loosen his handcuffs three times. En route to jail, the man started hitting his head on the back window, saying "take me out this fucking cuffs." When they arrived, the man started spitting on the officer — not helping his cause.

Flash in the pan: A 25-year-old man was begging for money from customers at a convenience store on Clifton Street. No one ponied up any money, so the man decided to try another tactic. He exposed himself to female customers and declared, "Look, I have no underwear on." That did not compel the women to give him money. Instead, the ladies rolled up their car windows in fear. Police arrived and arrested the Lithonia man for disorderly conduct.

Bodily waste: A 28-year-old woman left her apartment on Allen Temple Court for five days to take care of her extremely ill mother. When she returned, her apartment was a mess — clearly, someone had been hanging out there. She found "empty beer cans on the floor, feces in the toilet, and vomit in the sink." Apparently, the suspect got in through a patio door that maintenance secured with plywood from previous damage. Her neighbors told her that a heavyset guy nicknamed "Big Phil" was seen leaving her apartment. No one knows where Big Phil lives, but he's been arrested in the apartment complex once before. Nothing was stolen from the woman's apartment.

Message diva: In Midtown, a 32-year-old woman said her pink scooter was stolen from the sidewalk outside her apartment on Argonne Avenue. She wasn't home when the scooter was stolen. Her pink Jonway scooter has several stickers on it, with pointed messages. One sticker reads "Goddess Aboard"; another reads "Make Art, Not War." Others read "Consume Less" and "Reading Is Sexy," and on the front, a sticker reads, "Namaste."

Patriotic thieves: A suspicious hipster couple was wandering around a store at Lenox Mall for a long time. They kept grabbing clothes and putting them back on the rack, and looking around to see if store clerks were watching. Eventually, they settled on their target: one pair of red-white-and blue American flag printed leggings. A clerk asked the woman if she wanted to try on the leggings, and she said no. Then, the couple bolted from the store, swiping the pair of leggings.

Snack strategy: Around 4 a.m., a man holed up inside a bathroom stall at the Kroger on Ponce de Leon Avenue and refused to come out. Also, the man was eating a bag of pork skins (worth $2). A security guard asked him to leave. No way, the man said, explaining that he had no money to pay for the pork skins and he never intended to buy them in the first place. Also, the 48-year-old man said he needed to go to jail because he was too cold to be outside and he needed his medication, and since he is homeless, he would rather go to jail. Eventually, a police officer arrived and removed the man from the bathroom and handcuffed him. This is the second time the man has taken up refuge in the same bathroom. He got his wish, and went to jail for shoplifting the pork skins and disorderly conduct.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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