So, I just wrapped up a much-needed divorce and, lo and behold, I've met someone new. He knows all of my baggage and, lord knows, he has some, too, so that's good. He's reliable, punctual, funny, calls when he says he's going to, etc. Throughout the day, we text each other and we have a date set for Friday (our fifth), so I know he's interested. But the dude doesn't flirt. I mean, really! So I say things like, "I'm excited to see you" (all very casually, and definitely not all the time), and he goes, "Yes!" That's it.
He sent me a text asking me how my day was going and said, "....well, at least it's Wednesday!" So I write back, saying something like, "Yeah, plus we're a day closer to when I can see you." And I got another "Yes!" WTF? Like, seriously? I truly enjoy spending time with him and talking to him, and the physical chemistry is there, for sure. And when we're fooling around, there's PLENTY of sexy talk from him. But the day-to-day flirting stuff? Not there. Is this some underground signal that he's not into me?
Damn, girl. If you're telling me the only thing wrong with this dude is that he's an illiterate on the phone, then you need to come back with a better problem.
First off, if you want to know how a guy feels about you, do NOT pay attention to what he says or writes. Pay attention to what he does.
Behavior is the only fail-safe way of divining a guy's intentions. If he spends a lot of time with you, pays a lot of attention, looks forward to seeing you, goes out of his way to be with you, calls you often, texts you right back, makes you feel good in and out of bed, then what he says or texts doesn't matter.
I can distill your situation down to a single question: Is he unwilling or unable to flirt-text? Most guys fall into the latter category. Men are bad communicators in person, let alone on the phone. Never mind typing on the phone. You may be confusing a lack of flirting competence with a lack of desire for you.
That said, I get where you're coming from. Is there a better feeling than hearing the "ding!" of an incoming text from the guy you're dating? I don't think so. The anticipation of his desire, the suspense of what he will write, the delicious knowledge that he's spending time thinking about you ... well, oh dear, I just tented my jeans.
Now where was I? Oh, yeah. Your plan. Don't bring it up. Worst thing you could do. Never say what you can show. You need to steal his phone when he isn't looking and plant a seed.
Pretend you're him and send a flirty text from his phone to yours. Then grab your phone and reply to it. Keep going back and forth until you have a thread that would make your nipples cut glass. If you need examples, download my eBook The Flirty Text Message Helper: Witty Texts for Clever People. You'll know everything you need to know when he looks at his phone and sees your text thread. He'll either get it or he won't. Any reasonably intelligent man will know that you're hinting heavily about the kind of texts you'd like to get.
If he reverts back to village idiot texting, then you're right back to my original question about flirt-texting: Is he unwilling or unable?
Got a burning or a why-is-it-burning question for the Sexorcist? E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org. Mike Alvear is the author of a line of How To Meet Guys On Facebook and teaches monthly blogging workshops with Hollis Gillespie.
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