What would compel a man to post ads seeking Casual Encounters on Craigslist when he is in a committed relationship? I'm genuinely curious about this, as I've noticed recently that my boyfriend of two years started posting pictures of his cock in the M4W section ... again.
About this time last year, I received messages from women sent in reply to an ad that had been posted from my email account on my computer! I had no idea WTF was going on, so I checked my email and, sure enough, my beau of about one year had put up the ad. I confronted him about it and he said that he was doing it for fun, out of boredom, blah, blah, blah. Eventually the posts stopped (yes, I check periodically). But then cut to last week and I see a couple of new ads posted in Casual Encounters. He thinks he's slick because he posts in a different Atlanta neighborhood under a different age, but I recognize the angle of his dangle. Basically, I know it's him.
So, I'm wondering what the impetus is for men in committed, loving relationships who post ads actively seeking out sex partners. I feel as though my trust in this man is being violated. I haven't confronted him about this recent batch of ads, and I truly hope he's not doing anything, but I have no way of knowing for sure. What do I do? If it matters — and I'm sure that it does — the cherry on this fucked-up cupcake is that we met on Craigslist.
— Trying to Make Him Stop
Well, at least we know where Anthony Weiner ended up — as a poltergeist on Craigslist.
Now, let me get this straight. Your boyfriend used your email account to post pictures of his cock on Craigslist? Wow. Falling from his ego to his IQ must have left him with a terrible limp.
You have two questions you need to answer: A) Do you want to stay with somebody who's so stupid he tip-toes past the medicine cabinet so he doesn't wake up the sleeping pills and B) Do you want to open up the relationship so that he can engage in what is clearly a compulsion for other women to admire his lizard.
I think it would be easy to say "Dump him!" but I won't, not only because I have another 300 words to fill in the column, but because almost every woman (and not a few men) have to face this conundrum: Do you throw out everything that's good about a person simply because he has an itch you can't scratch? Your challenge is whether you can place a higher value on the relationship itself rather than one component of it — sexual exclusivity.
Your first order of business is to try to understand why he's doing this. You might find out that if you engaged in the kind of penis idolatry that gets him off, it might diminish his need to play Anthony Wiener on Craigslist.
You are justified in breaking up with him over this. He's not going to change. But the smarter move may be to figure out how to make room for his fetish without diminishing your sense of self or the relationship.
Got a burning or a why-is-it-burning question for the Sexorcist? Email him at email@example.com. Mike Alvear is the author of the Meet the Hottie in the Corner e-book and teaches monthly blogging workshops with Hollis Gillespie.