Batty buds 

Two male friends called police about a robbery — between themselves — on Akridge Street. Officers arrived and found a shirtless 41-year-old man clutching a baseball bat. His arm was bleeding. His friend, a 19-year-old man, was limping.

The two friends had vastly different stories.

The older man said his younger friend knocked on his door and asked if he needed any weed. The older man said, no, he didn't need any weed because he had to go to the DMV. He said the younger friend brushed up against him in the door frame. Suddenly, the older man looked down and saw his own weed hanging out of the young friend's pants. Then the friend snatched the older man's headphones and took off running. The older man said he chased the 19-year-old, caught him near a bridge, and they fought. He said the 19-year-old put him in a headlock and started "flipping me like a fish," the officer noted. The 19-year-old's cell phone fell out of his pocket and the older man grabbed it and ran home. The 19-year-old followed and they agreed to a trade: If the older man returned the cell phone, the 19-year-old would give back the weed. Suddenly, the 19-year-old punched the older man's face and yelled, "Bitch, give me the phone." So the older man grabbed a baseball bat and whacked his young friend's legs.

According to the 19-year-old, he said he often "chilled" at the older guy's house, and that day they were just hanging out, smoking weed, and drinking when the older man wanted to try "some homosexual stuff — sex for money." The 19-year-old said he agreed to the sex act, but before anything happened he grabbed the older man's weed and money and took off. Police found $31 in his shoe and returned the money to his older friend. Both men went to jail for stealing from each other.

off track

One rainy night, a train smashed into a car sitting on the tracks near Carver High School. The smashed car, a red Nissan Altima, was empty. Police found the driver, a 22-year-old woman, nearby on McDonough Avenue. According to the police report, the woman was "clearly upset" about her totaled car but physically fine. "I asked her to come to my vehicle to get out of the rain," the officer wrote. The woman complied. She said she'd been drinking at a bar on Ponce de Leon Avenue, then she left to pick up her daughter at the father's house on Bouldercrest Lane. "I asked her why she ended up turning left onto railroad tracks off of McDonough, if she was headed towards Bouldercrest Lane," the officer wrote. The woman said she had no idea why she abandoned her car on the train tracks and began crying. She went to jail on DUI charges.

Brick dick

A middle-aged man was peeing and making a ruckus behind a home in Venetian Hills. The man was "banging on the rear door with a brick and urinating on the ground," the officer wrote. The man said he didn't live there — all he wants to do is "take a piss," hence his brick-banging. The back door was not damaged by his brick-banging. The 54-year-old man went to jail on a trespassing charge. He refused to say how brick-banging helped him pee.

Midtown meltdown

Two men dressed in orange-and-white clothes were arguing loudly outside a gay bar in Midtown. When a female cop walked up, one man ran away, leaving his shirtless boyfriend alone. The boyfriend said that earlier, they had just left the bar when a weird guy walked up and grabbed his arm. His partner became angry and all three men argued. He said the weird guy grabbed his shirt, causing all the buttons to pop off. The boyfriend retrieved his damaged shirt from his car to show the officer. Then the boyfriend got really weird. He refused to identify himself and offered up obviously fake names, so the cop drove him to the police station. According to the police report, en route the man made obscene gestures and told the cop to "suck my dick and from the back" and "I hope you get AIDS." Also, he threatened to kill the female officer, called her a "stupid whore," and screamed, "I hope your momma die, you dumb bitch." Then the man "urinated in the back of my patrol car," the female cop noted.

Police fingerprinted the man, identifying him as a 27-year-old from Jackson, Miss., with no criminal history — until now. He went to jail for threatening an officer.

Teenage wasteland

In Cabbagetown, a 29-year-old man called police and said his mint-green Vespa was stolen outside his loft apartment on Wylie Street. A neighbor said three suspicious youths with a mint-green scooter just walked by her apartment and she described the teens in detail: One wore a jean vest with silver studs on the back, another teen had a red bandanna. The officer found the teens sitting on a wall on Memorial Drive. A red bandanna was hanging from one teen's pocket. The officer wrote, "When asked about the bandanna, he stated that he is in the 'Blood" gang and has been since he was age 12." The officer called the red bandanna teen's mother, who quickly hung up, saying she didn't want to get involved. The red bandanna teen said he's already served three years for armed robbery. All three teens were jailed on loitering/prowling charges.

Weak defense

A 25-year-old man dropped off a friend at work then returned to his apartment at around 6 a.m., parked his green Toyota Avalon outside, and immediately went to bed. A few hours later, he woke up and noticed his car door was ajar. He checked out the car and found that his Glock handgun was missing from driver's panel. He reported the gun stolen. "He did advise that the driver door handle to his vehicle is missing and anyone can access the car by toggling the wires," the officer wrote. The man's gun was stolen outside his apartment on Gun Club Road.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.


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