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Best of the Blotter: Bizarre crimes 

Three pairs of women's shoes, 13 packs of Doral cigarettes and two deep fryers that have pictures of Jesus -- a weird, wacky trip into Atlanta's criminal intent

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RULES OF ATTRACTION: On Stanton Road, a 24-year-old woman and her live-in boyfriend got into an argument about their relationship. According to the woman, her boyfriend wants her to sleep with other men. But when she said that she would sleep with other men, he got mad and pushed her onto the bed. Then, he slapped her. When the boyfriend calmed down, the woman tried to call police. But, she said, the boyfriend destroyed both of their telephones -- and then fled.

MAKING THE GRADE: A 21-year-old man walked into a high school on Hutchens Street and tried to enroll. A school employee informed the man that he could not enroll in the school. So, the man walked to the front of the school, took off all his clothes and said he would have sex with another man to get into the school. (He offered to have sex with a specific man, not another man in general.)

The school employee was able to put the man's clothes back on and detain him until police arrived. The man was charged with indecency and taken to Grady Memorial Hospital's psychiatric ward.

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BABY GOT BACK: On Sylvan Road, a 40-year-old man said he was hanging out in his apartment, playing cards with a few people. One card player was a woman who weighs about 200 pounds. He said this fat woman wanted to have sex with him -- but he wasn't interested. Here's his story of the fat woman's payback: The fat woman got mad and made a phone call. A short time later, a few men showed up and jumped on the 40-year-old man. They beat him, damaged his mirror and wall, and took his cell phone.

Police arrived and took the man to South Fulton Hospital. The man said the fat woman that he refused to sleep with lives in his apartment complex.

BLOTTER AWARDS

BEST NEIGHBOR AWARD: At an apartment on Carlisle Street, a 27-year-old woman went into her bathroom to take a bath. While preparing for her bath, she looked up and saw a large snake wrapped around the bathroom mirror. The woman, along with her family, ran screaming out of the apartment. A neighbor came over and claimed ownership of the snake. The neighbor, a male painter in his 40s, said the snake had been on the loose for weeks. No injuries.

BEST BOOZING AWARD: At about 3 a.m., an officer was on Piedmont Road, near Disco Kroger, when he noticed that traffic was going around a Volkswagen Passat, which was weaving and moving slowly. The officer pulled over the Passat and spoke with the driver, a 42-year-old blond woman from Florida.

According to the officer, the woman said she'd been working at the Gift Mart all day, and she'd had three or four drinks, and she started drinking at 6 p.m. with friends at dinner. Then the officer noticed smoke rising from the woman's body. "When I looked down, I noticed that her pants began to catch fire," the officer wrote. "I immediately began patting down the side of her leg to put the flame out. She stated she knew she was on fire but did not feel it. She stated she was nervous."

The woman was arrested for DUI. On the way to jail, she passed out in the patrol car.

NAiVE HUSTLER AWARD: An undercover officer was working in Midtown. He said a man walked up and offered to perform oral sex -- and the monetary payment would be determined afterward, depending on how good it was. Then, the man offered to change the undercover officer's tire, which was going flat. The man also said they could shower together after the oral sex. The man, age 30, was arrested for soliciting sex.

THAT TAKES BALLS AWARD, PART I: A 52-year-old man tried to perform a circumcision on himself, at his home on Venetian Drive. "He cut his penis, causing a severe laceration," the officer wrote. The man said his insurance company would not cover circumcision surgery. After examining the man, medics said a hospital staff would have to complete the circumcision. The man, who has no history of mental problems, was taken to Crawford Long Hospital.

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THAT TAKES BALLS AWARD, PART II: A woman said she went to her dentist's office on Broad Street. The dentist asked if she was following his cleaning instructions for her earlier procedure. "No," the woman said. According to the woman, a dental assistant came into the room and held her down. Then, she said, the dentist operated on her without using painkillers. When the dentist was finished, they let the woman up and asked her again if she was following the dentist's instructions for cleaning.

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