Beware of broke, horny guys 

Why do guys think it's OK to invite you over to their place on the first few dates rather than take you out? It's not like they're cooking or anything. It's always, "Yeah, come over, hang out." Are we not good enough for a meal?

— Hungry

Dear Hungry,

Let me answer you with an experience I had last year. I was rushing around trying to do some Valentine's Day shopping. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the weather — it was dark, cold and wet.

As I was loading up my car, I noticed I was missing a receipt I might need later. So, mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps back to Lenox Square. As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a quiet sobbing.

The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy who looked about 12 years old. He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill.

Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred-dollar bill in his hand.

Thinking he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was wrong.

He told me his sad story. He said he came from a large family with three brothers and four sisters. His father had died when he was 9. His mother was poorly educated and worked two full-time jobs. She made very little to support her family.

Nevertheless, she'd managed to scrimp and save $200 to buy her children some Valentine's Day presents (since she hadn't managed to get them anything on Christmas).

The young boy had been dropped off by his mother on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to buy presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus home.

He hadn't even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one of the hundred-dollar bills and disappeared into the night.

"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked.

The boy said, "I did."

"And nobody came to help you?" I said. The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head. "How loud did you scream?" I asked.

The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"

I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry for help. So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car.

My point, and I do have one, is that you've got to put up a louder fuss or guys are going to take advantage of you. The next time a guy asks you out, or rather, in, tell him you'd rather hit the town and have some fun.

There are only three reasons a guy asks you in on the first couple of dates: 1) He wants to bang you like a sack of cement and doesn't think you're worth a burger; 2) He does think you're worth a burger (or steak!), but doesn't have the green to pay for it; or 3) He wants to cook for you. Which, in my mind, is a reason to accept. You get a free meal; he gets a crack at dessert. Everybody wins.

Since reason No. 3 doesn't seem to apply to you, we're left with the prospect that you're attracting guys who only want to boink you or guys who are so broke they literally can't afford to take you out.

There's a recession going on, chickie-dee. And for a lot of us, things are getting worse, not better. No guy wants to take a girl out and have the Fergies of the world scream, "If you ain't got no money, take your broke ass home!" The next time a guy asks you "in," tell them you'd rather go out and have some fun. But here's the catch: Suggest something affordable.

Got a burning or a why-is-it-burning question for the Sexorcist? E-mail him at sexorcist@creativeloafing.com. Mike Alvear is the author of The Flirty Text Message Helper: Witty Texts For Clever People and teaches monthly blogging workshops with Hollis Gillespie.

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