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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports 

ONE WORD: FRUITCAKE: A man allegedly tried to steal a fruitcake and four packs of AA batteries from a store on Donald Lee Hollowell Parkway. A security guard said the man tried to punch him and the same man "has stolen items from the store in the past, including yesterday." The officer asked the man for ID and the man said his ID was stolen while he was "messing around with a prostitute." The officer found a baggie of suspected marijuana in the man's wallet. According to the officer, the man spontaneously said the baggie contained "perp" (a street name for marijuana). "[He] later stated that he does not smoke crack, but he does smoke "cush" and "perp" -- and he has more at home." The man admitted to stealing the $4 fruitcake and the batteries, but denied trying to punch the security guard. "As he was standing in the back room, he pretended to pass out, falling straight ahead slowly without bending his knees," the officer wrote. "I caught [him] before he hit the ground. ... As he was sitting on the ground, a female store employee walked into the back room. [The man] then began to make obscene comments toward her, stating what he would like to do to her sexually." The 61-year-old man was arrested on numerous charges.

THE SPIRIT OF GIVING: A pastor said someone stole Christmas gifts from the dining area of a church on Northside Parkway. According to the pastor, the Christmas presents are watches and gift cards about $600. The Christmas gifts were reportedly stolen one Sunday between 10 a.m. and 11:15 a.m. -- while church members were worshiping.

BAD ELVES? A 65-year-old woman was in the parking lot of a grocery store on Peachtree Street. She said two men in a white van drove up, said they'd noticed her fender was damaged and they could repair it in the parking lot for $250. She reportedly agreed and gave them $250 cash. She said the men used a crowbar to do the repairs -- and covered the damaged area with a green-colored wax. "She stated the suspects instructed her not to touch the area, because it was still hot," an officer wrote. Later, the woman realized her car was more damaged now than before the "repair" -- and the men had scammed $250 from her. She said one man had earrings in both ears -- and the other man only had one leg.

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS A PEDICURE: A man allegedly sipped from a Mr. Boston gin bottle on Marietta Street. The 48-year-old man was very drunk, an officer noted. The man complained "of bad feet, which had heavy discoloration after taking his wet socks off." He was charged with drinking alcohol in public.

NO PEACE ON EARTH: Two middle-aged brothers got into a fight over fish. An officer said he could hear the spat from outside the brothers' apartment on Wylie Street. According to the brothers, the fight began when the older brother took a piece of fish from the refrigerator and ate it. Both brothers admitted to hitting each other. The brothers "also broke a wall in the apartment as a result of their fighting," the officer wrote. The brothers, age 45 and 46, were charged with disturbing the peace.

TOO MUCH EGGNOG? A man reportedly yelled curse words and hit nearby objects on Carnegie Way. An officer wrote, "[His] voice was slurred and he seemed to be stumbling as he walked." The officer tried to talk to the man, but he refused. "[He] turned to face me and as he stepped toward me, he fell over the curb, striking the concrete." Now, the man's face was bleeding. So the officer called an ambulance. Medics examined the man. A medic said the man had a bloody nose -- and the man claimed to be an "Italian Al Qaeda agent." Police took him to Grady Memorial Hospital for a mental evaluation.

PARTY CITY: A 26-year-old woman said she went out of town and let her female friend stay in her condo on Pharr Road. The very next day, the friend had a party at the condo. Apparently, the party got a little wild. According to the friend, a drunk guest tossed the woman's safe over the balcony. The 26-year-old woman's digital camera memory card was missing from her desk. She believes it was stolen during the party. Eventually, someone found the firesafe and turned it in to the condo's concierge.

SKATEPUNK 'TUDE: On Macon Drive, a woman said her 19-year-old daughter argued with her boyfriend. She said the fight started over the thermostat in the living room. During the argument, the daughter reportedly grabbed a skateboard and broke the living room table. Then, she reportedly walked upstairs and smashed the skateboard out the window. The daughter took off before police arrived.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO OFFICER SMARTYPANTS: A man said he returned from a trip to Home Depot and got a call from the Cobb County Police Department. Police said they had the man's license plate in their possession and they had arrested the driver. So the man checked his car -- and found a different license plate on it. An Atlanta police officer showed up to file a report. The officer wrote that the unknown suspect lives on "Who Knows Where Drive" in Atlanta.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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