Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports 

FRISKY ON ASPHALT: Around 3:15 a.m., a police officer spotted a young couple on the ground of a parking lot on Peachtree Street. According to the officer, the man was sitting on the woman, with his pants down and his penis out — and the couple could be easily seen from the street. “I saw [the woman] with [his] penis in her hands, rubbing it on her chest, face and playing with it with her hands,” the officer wrote. “As I pulled up, [the man] got up and attempted to leave the scene, but his pants fell to the middle of his legs and he could go nowhere.” The man and woman, ages 21 and 22, went to jail on indecency charges. They both “appeared to be very intoxicated,” the officer wrote. They both hail from Alabama.

DISH IT OUT: At an apartment complex on Fairburn Road, witnesses said a 28-year-old man threw kitchen dishes from his apartment’s balcony around 6 a.m. One man said a glass landed on his car, breaking the windshield. (It’s a 2009 Pontiac G5 and it’s on loan from a dealership.) “There were many broken glasses, bowls, and dishes on the ground near the damaged vehicle,” an officer wrote. The officer went to the 28-year-old man’s apartment and talked to him. He said he had a fight with his girlfriend and she threw the dishes. His girlfriend was not there. Also, the man admitted he had been drinking alcohol. The man went to jail on a disorderly conduct charge.

FLIGHT OF THE DISCHORDS: Two Florida men got thrown off a Delta flight before it even left the gate at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport. The men’s scuffle delayed the flight 37 minutes and the captain refused to fly with them on board. One man, age 60, said the other man intentionally stomped on his foot while walking through the aisle. The other man, age 48, said the first man intentionally stuck his foot out in the aisle to trip him. “Words were exchanged and possibly some shoving, which caused them to be removed from the aircraft,” an officer wrote. No one was hurt, and neither man wanted to press charges against the other. They were rebooked on later flights to their destination (separate flights).

TIPSY LADY, PART 1: Around 1:30 a.m., a 28-year-old intoxicated woman said she was walking two blocks from her house on Greenwood Avenue when a black car pulled up. She said the male driver and female passenger asked if she needed a ride — so she got into their car and they drove her home. “After she got home, the driver asked her for gas money,” an officer wrote. The woman said she handed the driver $360 cash, her cell phone and her ID card — and the driver sped away. “[The woman] advised me that her husband is out of town and he is going to be upset with her when he gets back in town because she does not have the house money,” the officer noted. No injuries.

TIPSY LADY, PART II: A 47-year-old woman said while she was drinking with friends on Martin Luther King Jr. Drive, she lent her uncle’s car to a man she knows only as “Warren.” This happened around 2 a.m. She said Warren didn’t return the car — a 2008 blue Dodge — even after she spoke on the phone with him twice the next day. An officer wrote, “When asked why she lent the vehicle to someone she does not know, [the woman] stated that it was ‘because she was drinking and thought he was a nice guy.’” She doesn’t know Warren’s last name.

FIRED UP: A security guard said boxes of ammunition were found in the “Bell Closet” at a hotel on West Peachtree Street. The head bellman said there was no claim ticket for the boxes, which had been there for at least a couple of days. An officer noted, “The Bell Closet in located next to the lobby, and is a closet where many of the hotel guests place belongings while they stay with the hotel." There were five boxes of .45 caliber ammo; four boxes of .22 long gun ammo; five boxes of 9mm ammo; four boxes of .40 caliber ammo; and three boxes of 223 rounds. Also, two receipts were in the Wal-Mart bags. “One receipt showed that the ammunition was purchased in Acworth, the second did not show the store’s location,” an officer wrote.  The Homeland Security Department was notified.

STUPID MOVE OF THE WEEK: At a pharmacy on Broad Street, a security guard said a man tried to steal items, but he was discovered so he ran away. The same man returned to the same store later the same day. The guard said the man put a bottle of 60 fish oil tablets in his pocket and tried to leave without paying. The guard caught the man, who said he took the fish oil tablets because he didn’t get paid until later that same day. Police charged the man, 45, with shoplifting and took him to jail.

PULP FICTION: A 23-year-old man allegedly called 911 twice and said he had shot and killed another person. He said the person tried to hurt him and he shot and killed that person. “[The man] also stated that he dumped the body at a different location from where he was calling from,” an officer wrote. Police dealt with the man at an apartment on Marietta Street. “[The man] answered the door with a large bottle of vodka in his hand and a cigarette in his mouth and he was stating to two uniformed police officers that he killed someone. [The man] was laughing the whole time he told his story. [The man] later stated that he killed someone with a screwdriver. [The man] then stated that he did not kill anyone.” Police charged him with abusing 911 services and false report of a crime — and took him to jail. The man hails from Fort Riley, Kan.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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