Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports 

HANGING OUT: An officer saw a man — wearing a button-down shirt and “no pants, no underwear,” according to the police rport — walking down Ponce de Leon Avenue. When the man spotted the officer’s patrol car, he reportedly hid behind a bush near a clothing store. “The male hid behind the bush, peeking around and over the bush every couple of seconds,” the officer wrote. “I approached the male and he placed a black shoulder bag over his exposed genitals. I asked the male if there were any problems. He stated he was, ‘hanging out.’ I asked him why he was not wearing any pants. He stated that he ‘wasn’t prostituting.’”
     The officer asked the man why he wasn’t wearing any pants or underwear. The man said his pants were ripped while he was at a club on 10th Street. The man said he just left the club, but the officer noted that the club closes at 2:30 a.m. — and it was now 5:47 a.m.
     The officer wrote, “I asked him to place the ripped pants back on his body — he took two pair of pants out of his bag. Neither pair was ripped in any way as to cause the gentleman’s genitalia to be exposed.” The officer asked the man again: What’s wrong with your pants? “He stated that they were ripped ‘at the bottom of the pant legs at the cuff,’” the officer wrote. “At this point, the male stated, ‘Take me to jail.’”
     The 38-year-old man was charged with indecency and carrying a concealed weapon because he allegedly had a straight razor. He went to jail.

DRAWERS WARS: Around 2:20 a.m., an officer talked to a man who said he was robbed in downtown Atlanta. The man “only had on a pair of boxer shorts and a ripped shirt,” the officer wrote. “He told me he was in a bar ... and he got ready to leave and was looking for another friend of his.” The man said he went outside and an unknown man approached him and said he knew where the man’s friend was. The man said the suspect led him to a side street, and then punched him in the stomach and in the face — and then stole his tan pants, with his wallet inside. The man said he ran down the street to get some help. “Because he is not from here, he could not tell me exactly where any of this happened,” the officer wrote.
     According to the man, his stolen tan pants contained his military ID.

WEIGHTY MATTERS: At an apartment complex on Boulevard, a man put a 20-pound weight on another man’s Jaguar. An officer arrived to deal with the dispute and talk with the 29-year-old man. “[He] stated that as he was going to the gym, he placed a 20-pound weight on a neighbor’s car,” the officer wrote. “I also made contact with the victim, who stated ... he always has problems with the arrestee and wishes to prosecute.” The 29-year-old man went to jail, on a property damage charge. According to the police report, the man’s 2004 black Jaguar was not damaged.

WARNING MESSAGE: A 30-year-old man said a woman nicknamed “Juicy” keyed the word “bitch” onto the trunk of his car. (It’s a green Honda Accord.) The man said he doesn’t want to prosecute Juicy — but he wanted to file an informational police report in case something else happens at a later date. He said Juicy lives on Fairburn Road.

SIGN THE ECONOMY SUCKS, NO. 689
: At a grocery store on Piedmont Avenue, a 38-year-old man allegedly tried to shoplift several tampons, body spray, deodorant, after-shave lotion and chicken wings. (Total value $39.91.) The man lives on West Paces Ferry Road. He went to jail on a shoplifting charge.  

NO PEACE PRIZE HERE: A security guard said a man was harassing staff and customers at a Starbucks downtown. The manager said the man called her a “bitch” and threatened to “beat her ass.” The manager said she has already gone to court to testify against the man for previous incidents, but then he returns a few days later and harasses her and the patrons. During arrest, the man identified himself as Barack Obama Jr. The 69-year-old man went to jail for giving police a false name and disorderly conduct.

DRINKIN’ AND FLYIN’
: A 24-year-old man from Naples, Fla., was kicked off a plane for being intoxicated. Police escorted him to the South Terminal, and he kept saying, “You guys are going to get another call on me.” The officer told him that if he acted up, he would go to jail. The man allegedly started cursing and said, “Go ahead, lock me up, kick my fucking ass, put your knee on my head.” The officer repeatedly told the man to sit down. “You want some of this, motherfucker?” the man said. “No, fuck that, I ain’t doin’ shit.” He was arrested for disorderly conduct.

LOST AND FOUND
: An Atlanta police officer’s duty belt was found at a boutique hotel on West Peachtree Street. A hotel housekeeper said she found the police belt inside a closet. An officer arrived and called APD communications from the radio attached to the belt in an effort to identify the belt’s owner. Turns out, the belt belongs to an APD supervisor. According to the police report, it included “one police duty belt, one Atlanta police handgun, flashlight, 2 magazines, & handcuffs.” The reporting officer made arrangements to return the police belt to its owner.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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