Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports 

A 25-year-old woman said her boyfriend "mushed" her because she tried to break up with him. After the alleged "mush," she said she went outside, put their 5-year-old daughter on the school bus, and then she went to run errands with her mother. The woman said when she returned, the boyfriend had taken stuff from her apartment: two Louis Vuitton bags, an Aeropostale bag, a curling iron, three bags of hair, diamond earrings, a necklace, a bra and panties, all of which she bought — awww — as birthday gifts to herself. Oh, and, apparently, mushed means her boyfriend pressed his palm against the back of her head.

TURD WARS: Dog shit drove a wedge between a domestic duo on Irwin Road recently. Following a nasty throw-down, one of the two men called 911 and said his partner needed transport to a psychiatric facility. When an officer arrived, both men had cuts on their arms and faces, both admitted that they'd gotten in a fight because their dog had defecated inside their home — and both were brought to jail for disturbing the peace.

CHEEKY FEELING: A Grady Memorial Hospital nurse was doing her rounds when a randy man grazed her butt with his right hand. The nurse told police she had stepped forward to let the man walk behind her, and that's when he rubbed her rear. The nurse's supervisor corroborated the story, but the 33-year-old suspect told police he didn't remember doing it because "he was drinking throughout the day" and the liquor gave him memory loss. He was arrested, anyway.

HIGH ENERGY COSTS: A 39-year-old man made the not-so-prudent decision to leave $1,800 cash unattended in his car while he ran into a Moreland Avenue convenience store. Just before 10 a.m. on a recent Saturday morning, he went to a bank on Caroline Street, cashed his check, shoved the money in a bag on the front seat of his car, and then went to grab an energy drink. Naturally, when he returned to his vehicle, the window was smashed out and the money had vanished. Police don't have any suspects.

SPACE CASE: Things got real racial in the Ponce de Leon Avenue Whole Foods parking lot when a women slung a racist slur at another woman who parked in the spot next to where she and two friends were standing. "You could have waited until we got into the car," the foul-mouthed maiden said, and then opened her car door and slammed it into the other woman's. The target of the racist rage ignored it, and went about her business. When she returned to her car she found it had been smeared with ice cream and there were several small scratches on the door. Someone left a note on her windshield that said, "I saw the white woman who did this."

OWN WORST ENEMY? An officer responded to a call about a dispute at an apartment complex on Cheshire Bridge Road. A 41-year-old woman said her upstairs neighbor keeps hacking into her private Internet connection, thus disabling her from using her own wireless Internet. The woman also said the neighbor harasses her by constantly making noise when she's trying to sleep, and when she moved to get away from her noisy neighbor, the person followed her and moved in above her again. When pressed for details about the person who's haunting her, the woman couldn't provide a name or any description. The officer wrote, "Thus [the 41-year-old woman] insisted the incidents be documented in the event the resident above continues similar behavior."

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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