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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports 

A couple was enjoying a lip-lock in Little Five Points when a passer-by said, "Steamy." None too pleased, apparently, with the vocal voyeur's comment, the male half of the kissing couple tried to solicit some dough for the free show. "Since you're watching us kiss," he told the man, "give me five dollars." When the man said he didn't have that kind of money, the irritable lothario allegedly revealed a knife and told the man to "get the fuck out of here."

The nosy passer-by found a police officer and described the knife-wielding lover boy, who was wearing both a belt and bracelet studded with ammunition. The cop found him sitting in front of Little Five Points Pizza and asked whether he had a knife on him. He admitted he did, and the 26-year-old was hauled off to jail for having a knife longer than 3 inches.

GUYS GONE WILD: Four guys got together for a bachelor party and stayed at posh Midtown hotel on Peachtree Street. Surprise, surprise: things took a boozy turn. Around 2:30 a.m., the hotel manager called police and said the drunk bachelor had locked himself inside and locked his friends out of the hotel room. The kindly hotel manager comped a room for the three friends.

According to the manager — because no good deed goes unpunished — one of the bachelor's friends broke out a window of the third-floor hotel room and tried to climb onto the roof to get into their original hotel room on the second floor. (It's unclear how going up onto the roof would help you get down to a hotel room on the second floor, but I digress.)

The hotel manager didn't actually witness anyone breaking a window, so the police officer talked with the bachelor party. The three guys said they had absolutely nothing to do with the broken window. They elaborated and said the wind was to blame, even though one of their hands was bleeding.

Alas, no one was arrested. The cop told the hotel manager that the window was a civil matter and he took the bleeding guy to the hospital for stitches.

DON'T PISS OFF OLD PEOPLE? In Virginia-Highland, a 40-year-old woman said someone wrote "fat bitch" on her green BMW while it was parked outside a retirement home on Springdale Road. No suspects or security video.

HOLA! In Lake Claire, a woman said her credit card company called her and asked about some charges in Madrid, Spain. The woman said she definitely isn't Spain right now — in fact, she hasn't left her home on McLendon Avenue. The woman has no idea how someone nabbed her credit card number. Charges total $873.06.

EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK: If you like having a job, here's a tip: Don't send your boss Facebook photos of yourself wearing stolen stuff! The manager of a trendy Virginia-Highland boutique told police she caught a 25-year-old female making off with her store's stuff. The manager showed surveillance tape to a police officer, who wrote, "I saw the employee ... taking clothes off the hangers and putting them into a black trash bag and sitting the trash bag beside the door. And at the end of the shift, she grabbed the bag and walked out with the items without paying."

The manager said she called the employee and asked her to bring back the stolen items, and the employee returned a big bag of merchandise worth about $1,000. But, the manager said, lots of items — 13 pieces of clothing (worth about $580), four cookbooks (worth $94), three pairs of earrings and two necklaces (worth about $190) — are still missing. And, if she needed more evidence, the manager said the employee sent text messages admitting that she stole stuff, "along with a picture on Facebook with her wearing clothes from the store ... that the manager said she didn't buy," the officer wrote.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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