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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports 

A toilet paper request sparked a smackdown between two roommates at their apartment on West Lake Drive. A 22-year-old woman said when she asked her roommate for some toilet paper one morning, her roommate replied, "You know I don't like you, right?" When she said she didn't care whether she was liked or not, the roommate got in her business and thumped her head, so she scratched her in self-defense. She then went to the laundry room, but her roomie wasn't finished fightin' — according to the 22-year-old, her irate housemate followed her in, attacked her and threw her to the ground. Of course, each said the other one started the fight, so both of them went to jail for disorderly conduct. Next time, probably just get your own toilet paper.

THE ESSENTIALS: On Rochelle Drive at around 6 p.m., police stopped a man who they say was walking in the middle of the street. The man admitted that he had a little bit of crack on him — 0.17 grams, according to the report — but was less forthcoming about where he got it. "I tried asking [the man] where he bought the drugs," an officer wrote, "but [he] wouldn't cooperate and told me that I needed to do my job." When they searched him, they found the following treasure trove of necessities: "suspected crack cocaine, two cell phones, a 4-pack of toilet paper, a red harmonica, a 24 oz can of beer, a bottle of barbeque sauce, and keys to City of Atlanta property."

MOTHER OF THE YEAR: Two officers spotted a white Dodge Stratus driving down Boulevard with a weathered-looking temporary tag. They stopped the car and talked with the driver, a woman who appeared to be in her early 40s. She said she has a driver's license, but didn't have it on her, so the cops asked that she write her name and birth date on a notepad. The woman wrote her name, and listed her birthday as Sept. 8, 1987 — which would make her 23 years old.

The officer walked back to his patrol car and ran the woman's name on his computer. The photo that came up was of a young woman with tattoos on her chest, and certainly didn't look like the woman behind the wheel. The officer walked back to the driver and asked if she even has any tattoos. The woman said she didn't, and finally admitted that she'd given them her daughter's name and birthday because she didn't have a license after all.

DAY AT THE BLEACH: A woman said she was walking her two dogs near her apartment on Marcus Street when her neighbor hurled a bottle of bleach at her and her pets. An officer wrote, "As I did my investigation, I saw the bleach on [the woman's] pant leg and she showed me where the bleach hit the ground ... I could still see and smell the bleach on the black top." The officer knocked on the neighbor's door several times, but no one answered.

LET ME IN: A 38-year-old Ormewood Park man called police when his wife locked him out of the house. She, of course, had her reasons, telling police that her husband was sloppy drunk and had been all day. Ultimately, the police agreed that he was acting a fool. When the hammered hubby refused to calm down, he was arrested for disorderly conduct.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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