Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports 

One Saturday night near East Atlanta, an officer spotted a white SUV and a black SUV following each other at about 90 mph on I-20. The officer fired up his patrol car and chased the speeding SUVs, which were switching from lane to lane. The man in the white SUV pulled over first, and the woman driving the black SUV reportedly almost slammed into the officer's patrol car before stopping on Glenwood Avenue. "I was following her way too fast," the man admitted. The officer wrote, "I noticed he was fumbling through his wallet, trying to smoke a cigarette, and talk on the phone at the same time." The man said he drank two shots at a barbecue. The man failed a few sobriety tests, so the officer arrested him for DUI.

Here's what the woman told him: "She said they were together at a BBQ on the Westside, but she didn't really know him that well," the officer wrote. "She said she only had two beers, but she was also taking morphine because she has a gunshot wound and is currently wearing a colostomy bag." The woman said she was 20 years old and gave the officer her license, so he started to arrest her for underage drinking and doing morphine. As he was writing the ticket, the officer realized the woman looked absolutely nothing like her photo ID — and the woman burst into tears and revealed her real name. She said she had a suspended driver's license and a warrant in Forrest Park. (And she's really 27.)

Then, the man made a startling admission: He and the woman are married. (Why the married couple initially pretended they barely knew each other, we have no idea.) The pair went to jail on a variety of charges.

IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN: When a known prostitute dressed in a "lime green form-fitting dress and wig" was spotted by cops on Joseph P. Lowery Boulevard, he — yes, he — allegedly darted across the street and tried to flag down a passing car. The officer arrested the 43-year-old man on a disorderly conduct charge and for not carrying ID.

THE EX FILES: A 30-year-old woman recently broke up with her live-in girlfriend, and moved out of their apartment on Third Street. She said she tried several times to get her clothes from the apartment — and even notified police — but her ex-lover refused. Finally, after some testy text messages, the ex agreed to meet up. The woman said her ex handed over a large plastic blue tote bag and a large trash bag. The woman said she looked inside the tote bag first — there were a bunch of her clothes cut up, sliced and bleached. Then, the woman opened the trash bag — which was filled with her shoes, sliced and sheered. The woman met up with an officer on the street and showed him "her ruined clothes and shoes." The woman said her ex-girlfriend destroyed more than $2,000 worth of clothes and shoes. So the officer arrested the ex-girlfriend, 33, and took her to jail on a damaging property charge.

FIRE-STARTER: A man said he was standing in the middle of Oldknow Drive when a guy nicknamed "Poony" walked up and accused him of shooting fireworks at him. Poony then reportedly pulled out a BB gun and shot at the guy. He wasn't seriously hurt.

NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH: A woman said she left some stuff — cat food, cat litter, a gold scarf, art supplies and her briefcase — unattended on a bench in the lobby of her condominium building on Peachtree Street when, surprise, it was stolen. The woman requested the security video from her condo building and told police that the video shows her female neighbor stealing the stuff. The woman said she didn't report the incident right away, because she really believed her neighbor would return everything. When she couldn't reach her neighbor for two weeks, she finally filed a police report.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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