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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports 

A 71-year-old woman says she was flimflammed out of almost five grand in the parking lot at Midtown Place shopping center on Ponce de Leon Avenue. Here's how the scam went down: A Skinny Lady walked up to the old woman and said she found $100,000 in the parking lot. A Fat Man joined their conversation, and all three got into the old lady's car to discuss what to do with the money. Skinny Lady claimed she worked at Home Depot — not true — and said she'd take the dough in there to make sure it wasn't counterfeit. When she returned, she said the money was good and that her "boss man" was going to hold onto it for them. She also said she found a note with the money — something about offshore accounts and a way they could turn their measly $100,000 into $1,000,000. All they'd have to do, see, is each come up with $20,000 of their own money.

So, the ever-so-gullible granny went to two separate banks and withdrew a total of $4,875 and gave it to Fat Man. He then instructed the old woman to go wait in the garden section of Home Depot for her meeting with the boss man. Fat Man said he would be right back, but first he needed to go to PetSmart to buy some goldfish for his daughter. Of course no one ever showed up. And talk about adding insult to injury: Fat Man and Skinny Lady also stole her car.

WASTE CASE: At around 6:30 a.m., an officer stumbled upon a Louisiana woman who was "Porky Pigging," so to speak. According to the officer's written police report, he spotted a 32-year-old woman sitting on the sidewalk, "with no clothing on below the waste [sic]." The woman said she was half nekkid because she'd peed and pooped her pants — and she wasn't planning on putting on another pair any time soon. The officer explained that if she refused to put on her pants, he'd have to arrest her for public indecency. "Take me to jail," the woman said. He did.

SPLASHING OUT: On Ormond Street, a man said his live-in girlfriend went nuts and broke some dishes, damaged his sofa, and threw Kool-Aid and mouthwash on him. The boyfriend said his girlfriend wasn't necessarily physically aggressive toward him, but he wants a police report so he could sue her for getting the liquids on his computer.

SOCK IT TO 'EM: An Atlanta police officer is making the city safer — one illegal sock vendor at a time. On Peachtree Street, the officer said he saw a man "holding out numerous socks for display" and the man allegedly "handed over several bundles of socks to another citizen, receiving $2 cash." The officer wrote, "I am very familiar with the subject, who is known to flee." The officer chased the sock salesman, who leapt over a counter and threw away his bag filled with socks. "I immediately seized the socks," the officer wrote, and arrested the guy for "selling socks without a vending permit." Thirteen bundles of socks were turned in as evidence.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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