The Blotter October 06 2011

It was around 9:30 p.m. when a stripper says she arrived at work, a club on Cheshire Bridge Road. But before she handed her car off to the valet, she removed her three-karat diamond ring (worth $7,000) and put it in her car’s change compartment for safekeeping. Of course, on her way home after her shift, she noticed that the ring was gone, and called the cops. She told the responding officers that since she didn’t actually see anyone take the ring, there was a chance it was still in the car. According to the officer, the woman came up with yet another bright idea: “[The woman] said she will take her vehicle to the dealership for a more thorough search.” Because people are so notoriously honest when it comes to $7,000 pieces of jewelry.

SLICK OFFER: On North Avenue, a woman carrying a tan purse hopped into an undercover cop’s car and immediately started rubbing the officer’s groin, saying she wanted to “grease his head” (which, apparently, is not-so-subtle hooker code for oral sex). According to an arrest report, the officer asked what she was good at. “Everything,” replied the woman, a 45-year-old from Snellville. The officer asked: How much would it be for her to suck his dick? The woman reportedly said she’d charge $10 or $12 — and if he liked it, he could give her a tip. The woman promptly went to jail on a prostitution charge.

NAME THAT NEIGHBOR: On Fern Avenue, a 21-year-old woman said a man nicknamed “Boo” hit her and ran away. The officer asked around, and no one knows Boo’s real name, but it’s believed Boo lives with his mother Pookie. No one knows Boo’s or Pookie’s last name.

WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING: A 32-year-old Kirkwood man said he left his house on Murray Hill Drive to get lunch, then came home to take a nap. When he woke up, he noticed that his “alternative front door” — your guess is as good has ours — had been kicked in. The man looked around, and realized he’d also been robbed. Among the items reported missing: six watches (one Lassale, one Stuhrling, 2 Citizens, 1 Tag Heuer, and one Nike), four sets of silver cuff links and two class rings (one from University of Georgia, the other from Manintish High School). Both rings had his name engraved on them.

HEY STUPID, PHONE HOME: On Boulevard, a 19-year-old man said he was pumping gas into his car when a total stranger walked up and asked to borrow his iPhone. The accommodating teenager handed it over and even typed in the password so the stranger could use it. Once on the phone, the stranger began walking in circles and also offered the guy some of that “brown stuff” (heroin), which he declined. And, when the 19-year-old turned around for just a minute, the stranger disappeared. The stranger and his iPhone.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.