Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports 

A 21-year-old man said he left his car in a parking deck on Auburn Avenue. When he returned about seven hours later, he said his car window was smashed and someone had swiped his magic cards from his backpack. Poof! They were gone. (He says his collection was worth $500.)

SACRED STASH: Volunteers were tidying up a Buckhead church on Peachtree Street, when they found an unusual sacred object left behind: about a gram of "marijuana in a small clear baggie" nestled in a hiding spot inside the church sanctuary. Makes those church wafers taste better, for sure.

SOMETHING FISHY: A fish tank filled with blood is at the center of an unsolved Atlanta case. A police officer was sent to deal with an injured 23-year-old woman on Fairburn Road, who said four women "jumped" her outside her apartment — and all four women are cousins of the leasing manager. The woman said during the fight, she fell on some glass and cut her hand. She said she had no idea why the four women were pissed at her — and she had no idea why the fish tank was filled with blood. She insisted that the fight happened outside. The officer noted, "it appeared as if the incident took place inside the apartment." The investigation continues.

ARTFUL DODGER: One Friday around 3:30 a.m., two officers were cruising down Spring Street when they "slammed on the brakes" because a man jumped in front of the patrol car. The man said he didn't want to talk to the officers because he "didn't want to get beat on by police." The man ran away yelling, "They are trying to kill me!" The officers caught him and the man said the police were trying to rape, rob and assault him "although no such actions ever took place," an officer wrote. Also, the man insisted that his back and both feet were broken. "Help!" the man screamed, "Why are you touching my booty?" Police drove the erratic man straight to Grady Memorial Hospital's psychiatric ward. He was charged with darting into traffic.

STARGAZER: Around 4:30 a.m., an officer saw a brown Kia turn verrrry slowly from Peachtree Street onto 10th Street, without using a turn signal. The officer stopped the car and spoke with the driver, a 22-year-old Duluth man. The chatty driver said earlier, he had one beer with the actor Denzel Washington at a nightclub in the Mechanicsville neighborhood. Another guy (not Denzel) was passed out in the back seat.

Apparently, drinks with Denzel put the driver in a fine mood. He kept up a pleasant chit-chat, even though he failed a breath test and the requisite stand-on-one-leg test. The man went to jail on a DUI charge. The officer wrote, "I must note [the man] was very polite and respectful during my entire encounter with him."

Still, "nice" and "name-dropping" aren't much help when you're drunk. The man went to jail on a DUI charge.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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