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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports 

In Grant Park, a 33-year-old woman told police that when her friend "Johnny" stopped by her apartment to chat, they got into a huge fight. During the spat, "Johnny" reportedly jumped on the woman's black couch and broke the couch frame. Her couch-jumping friend was long gone when police arrived at her apartment on Oakland Lane. The woman said she doesn't know Johnny's last name or his phone number.

WARDROBE MALFUNCTION: Two officers were outside a hotel on Ponce de Leon Avenue when they heard a woman scream "AHHH SHIT, GOD DAMMIT!" from a second-floor window. The officers went to inspect the situation, and found the woman's door wide open. When asked if she needed help, the woman, 46, asked police to come inside her room. She said she had pierced her skin with a zipper when she tried to put on her shirt, but said she was OK and didn't need any medical help. But during the riveting zipper conversation, an officer happened to spot a suspected white drug sitting on the coffee table in the woman's hotel room. When one of the officers asked her what it was, she told him it was candle wax. She quickly recanted the not-very-believable story, admitted it was crack cocaine, and was taken to jail.

JUST PLAIN CREEPY: Around 6 p.m., a man was sitting alone in a children's play area at the Old Fourth Ward Skate Park. A police officer noted, "For the past two business days, I have observed the same male sitting in the same spot. I decided to speak to the male, as he did not appear to have any children." He did, however, have two bags of belongings stashed behind a trash can and little bottle of whiskey. The officer took him to jail.

WORD WAR II: Over in the West End, someone vandalized a black Mercedes-Benz by spray painting "SNITCH" on the hood, "POLO" on the trunk, "FIX BITCH" on the passenger-side door, and "FIX THIS — ZONE 6" on the driver-side door. An officer noted, "Each window except for the driver's side window had a hole that ranged from the size of a golf ball to the size of a football." The car's owner, a 30-year-old man, said the car had gotten a flat tire, so he parked it there, went to a club, and when he returned the next day, it had been tampered with. (He parked in front of two vacant homes on Lawton Street, which probably isn't the safest place to leave a Mercedes-Benz.) The man said he believes the vandalism may be linked to another man — a guy who shot him back in November during a heated argument.

POSH TARGET: At Lenox Square mall, a guy with "scraggly" black hair walked into a store and tried on an expensive quilted leather jacket. The store clerk said he told the man the price — $4,995 — and the man said he was going to get money and return for the jacket. Apparently, the man returned when the store was busy, allegedly grabbed the quilted leather jacket and ran off without paying. Store employees didn't even know the theft had occurred until they watched a surveillance tape later, so scraggly guy got away. And, really, were the buttons made of diamonds? How could a leather jacket be worth $5,000?

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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