Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports 

The scene's been dicey at some Atlanta bars lately. Fists have flown! People fell without being pushed! Next time you find yourself bumping into the police during a night out on the town, don't say we didn't warn ya.

A man was standing on his balcony late one evening when he saw a drunk guy going nuts in the parking lot of a pub on Arizona Avenue. He reported seeing the guy staggering around, kicking and slapping various cars, as well as kicking and throwing empty kegs. He also gave the bar's sign a good wallop and cracked it.

When a female employee went out to the parking lot and saw the guy freaking out, she got nervous and grabbed a mop to defend herself. Drunk guy yanked the mop from her hands and pushed the employee into some empty kegs. (She wasn't hurt.)

Remarkably, the guy didn't do much damage to the cars or anyone else — even himself. One car had minor bumper damage, but the cracked bar sign, well, that's gonna cost $500 to fix. Needless to say, the drunk guy — a 26-year-old from California — went to jail on various charges. He admitted that he was totally wasted.

HOW NOT TO ORDER A DRINK: At a Poncey-Highland bar, a 36-year-old man said he tried to order a beer and the bartender gave him the middle finger. In exchange, the man called the bartender a "sorry excuse for a human being." (Smooth talker, that'll get you a fast drink every time.) Promptly, the bar manager ordered the man to get the hell out. The man said he put his hands in his pockets and started to walk away, when suddenly the bar's doorman grabbed him and slammed him to the ground.

The doorman's story: He alleges the surly man cursed at other customers and called him a "faggot" and an "asshole." Also, he said, the surly man bumped into him on purpose and tried to fight other customers. No surprise: Surly man went to jail. If only he'd asked for that beer nicely ...

STOOL SAMPLE: A man in his 30s said he was playing poker at a lounge on Piedmont Circle when the stool he was sitting on collapsed and he fell over backward. For some reason, police responded to this barstool spill. (Slow night, officer?) A waitress said the man only had two Long Island ice teas. So the police officer spoke to the bar manager. Apparently, they knew the bar stool was unstable. The bar manager said the broken stool had been stored in the back for a while and wasn't supposed to be used. The stool "was missing a support that would have prevented the fall," the officer noted. Hopefully, the guy at least scored some free Long Island ice teas for his barstool flip.

SLIP OUT THE BACK, JACK: It was around closing time when a man got into a scuffle at a bar on Piedmont Circle. The man said he and his girlfriend had a few drinks, when suddenly she wasn't feeling well and went to the restroom. According to the man, bar employees asked him to leave because the bar was closing. The man said he wanted to wait on his girlfriend. According to the man, four employees told him to "chill out" and punched him in the ribs and head. He wasn't hurt, but he might've been ditched by his girlfriend.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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