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Bizarre crimes from Atlanta police reports 

MYSTERY VISITOR: A freaked-out woman called police to her Lenox Road apartment. The woman "thinks someone is watching her apartment and possibly has a key and enters when they want to whether she is home or not," an officer wrote. The woman believes the mystery visitor is a skinny man dressed entirely in black and "when she opens her door, he runs away down the street," the officer noted. The woman's daughter and a "guest" also live in the apartment, but she doesn't suspect them at all.

Asked what items were missing, the woman explained that she bought hot dogs a few weeks ago, and now the hot dogs are gone and she doesn't remember eating or cooking them. And someone moved her furniture around. Plus, the woman "hears noises in the apartment, as if someone is in the house hiding, but no one is there when she looks," the officer wrote. The only items the woman reported missing: a black jacket (because she can't find it) and one pair of underwear.

OH, BROTHER: A 34-year-old woman said her big brother has been staying at her Lakewood Heights home for a while, so she took him to a Sunday barbecue party on Livermore Street. The woman kissed her girlfriend at the barbecue and her brother got upset, yelling that what they were doing wasn't right in front of the kids. Words started flying and the woman's brother and her girlfriend started brawling. The woman said she tried to break up the fight and got shoved to the ground.

When cops arrived, the brother admitted that he said he doesn't believe it's right for his sister and her girlfriend to kiss in front of kids. The brother said he tried to walk away, but the girlfriend started "talking nasty" and punched him in the eye, so he hit her back.

The cops didn't buy the brother's she-hit-me-first story and took him to jail on a battery charge. Blotter Diva's tip: Never let intolerant relatives stay inside your home when they visit. Make them stay at a hotel — and pay for it themselves!

OUT ON A LIMB: On a sunny Friday, a man reportedly tried to rip branches off a tree in Freedom Park. He was flailing around with tree limbs while two cops watched from their patrol car. The officers got out and arrested the man because it's illegal to destroy trees in a city park. Turns out, tree assault is not the guy's biggest problem. Cops searched him and found a small baggie of white stuff in his pocket. It tested positive for crack cocaine.

FLYING OFF THE HANDLE: Chaos erupted when a barefoot woman fell and hit her head at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport. Emergency crews rushed to help the 42-year-old woman from Dublin, Ohio. She was incredibly drunk, a medic noted.

The woman told police she believed a strange man was following her, so she tried to walk out of the airport. She said she didn't remember what happened to her purse, her ring, or her earrings. Police tracked down the woman's husband on a cell phone. The husband knew exactly what had happened: His wife got booted off an AirTran plane for being too drunk, but he stayed on the flight and continued to his destination. (Aw, that's nice.) Police told him about his wife's missing ring and earrings. The husband replied, "She probably took them off and threw them away."

Since Hubby was no help, officers hung up and combed the area: "Between the North Terminal and Gate 1, police found the woman's purse, wallet, shoes, ring, tote bag, and cell phone." Apparently, the woman either dropped her stuff or intentionally tossed it to the floor. Police took the drunk woman to a hospital for observation, though she didn't appear to be seriously hurt.

SWEET TALKER: An undercover cop dressed up as a prostitute and stood on Metropolitan Parkway. "You look lost," a man called out. "Just working," the hooker-cop replied. The man cut to the chase: "I'm going to fuck with you, but I need to make a run," he said. "What you trying to do?" the hooker-cop asked. "Your pussy look fat. I'm all about the fucking and sucking," the man replied. He said he had $40. The hooker-cop asked, "You want me to suck and fuck you for $40?"

"Yes," the man confirmed. With that, backup police appeared and arrested 39-year-old man on charges of soliciting sex. During arrest, Mr. Potty Mouth clammed up and went silent. Police impounded his white Chevy Impala.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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