David is a popular video store clerk. Based on what his nominations say, some customers at his place of work wouldn't mind, ahem, working off their late fees.
How long have you been hot?
When's the last time someone asked you out?
Two weeks ago in the frozen food section at Kroger.
Describe your ideal evening.
A girl, music, candles, the Barry White scenario.
What makes someone sexy?
I'm attracted to strong women. I don't mean like Beyonce. I mean people who do and be what they want.
Sam's Club or Costco?
I went to Sam's Club. It was freaky seeing people hauling such large tubs of mayo and BBQ.
Old Testament or New?
I like Psalms and Proverbs. They're good for lyrics.
Who is the greatest living American?
Copper John. He makes jewelry in Little Five Points. He's always smiling.
What do you sing in the shower?
Anything from Buddy Holly to the Jackson Five to Wesley Willis.
What's the most annoying thing about you?
I can be an asshole without knowing it. I don't mean to, but I do sometimes.
If you were an animal, what would you be?
A dog, because it wouldn't be that hard of a transition.
Do you have a motto?
You can't polish a turd.
Can't we all just get along?
Yeah, if it weren't for the media.
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