Hollywood Product - D.E.B.S.
Genre: Ass-kicking teenage girl spy movie
Opens: Opens Fri., March 25.
The pitch: Think back to Pulp Fiction when Uma Thurman tells John Travolta about her brush with fame, a starring role in the pilot of “Fox Force Five.” The D.E.B.S. are like that, only they are a team of four foxy crime-fighters attending spy college. There’s Max, the sassy black leader; Dominique, the sexy French nympho; Janet, the goody-goody brunette; and Amy, the tall blonde who discovers her lesbian feelings for super villain Lucy Diamond.
Product placement: D.E.B.S. roll to school and crime scenes in a black convertible Volkswagen Bug. Lucy Diamond kidnaps Amy and takes her to a bar where they drink a couple Dos Equis. Janet comments that she has a sweater just like Lucy’s and she bought it at Target (it also comes in taupe).
Rock royalty: Jill Ritchie, who plays the pig-tailed Janet, is Kid Rock’s little sister.
Flesh factor: In Catholic school, the hemline of a plaid skirt must be no higher than 2 inches above demure schoolgirls’ knees. At the D.E.B.S. academy, a plaid skirt must be no more than 2 inches below a dangerous spy’s bikini wax.
Best line: Amy narrowly escapes making out with Lucy and returns to school with Janet, who says, “They’re calling you a hero when really you’re a slut. A gay slut!”
Pop references: D.E.B.S.’ president (Holland Taylor of “Two and a Half Men”) refers to Silence of the Lambs by shouting, “What’s that movie with Jodie? And the dog? And the well?”
Model/actress: Supermodel Devon Aoki plays the French spy, and she looks smashing when she kicks bad guys’ asses while a cigarette remains nonchalantly pursed between her lips. But her accent is less sexy than Pepe Le Pew’s. Fortunately, she only says about five lines.
Mandatory Montage: There’s a music montage of Amy and Lucy’s lesbian hook-up set to the tune of New Order’s “Temptation.” But get your mind out of the gutter: This is a love story. The only thing they eat is ice cream. If you want hot and heavy girl-on-girl action, see a porn.
The bottom line: This spy flick is campy enough to be bad, but it’s not bad enough to be campy. Bad girls, however, may be the new bad boys. ? ? ? ?