Nightcrawler - Down and dirty with dinosaurs

Shaken or stirred, dirty or dry, mango or cosmo — no matter how you throw it in a glass, a martini is a classy way to get loaded. Add a jazz band playing underneath a 100-by-40-foot dinosaur and you have the recipe for a sophisticated Friday night date. Or so you would think.

Martinis & IMAX is a weekly soiree held at the beautiful Fernbank Natural History Museum. Whether it’s a guy’s attempt to impress a cute tomato he’s been pining for or girls’ night out away from club sleazeballs trying to grind on them to the remix of “Apple Bottom Jeans,” Fridays at Fernbank really is a must do in Atlanta.

You can easily spot the first daters. One couple emits a sweet but awkward vibe, with the guy wearing a freshly pressed shirt he must’ve ironed with a lot of concern. You almost want to walk by and do something ridiculous just so they have something to talk about other than the standard first date script.

Eavesdropping on couples is just as entertaining as IMAX’s view into the Grand Canyon. Milling around the main floor, I overhear two gay guys deep in conversation. “Are they homos?” one asks.

“Nope, they’re breeders,” his boyfriend replies.

After the goateed gentleman is sent to fetch more drinks, the one in the striped shirt leans over to the lady at the table with confidence, “He’s my bitch tonight.”

I guess they alternate.

In the corner across the room, an older gentleman, who looks like he doesn’t frequent museums too often, is accompanied by a chick who’s obviously a call girl. With her high heels, red streaks and dangerous, good looks, there’s no other explanation. They win the awkward award for the evening.

But the true superstars of the night are the older couple who dance the night away. It’s like we’re in the middle of a Cialis commercial. Song after song, they’re equally charming and inspiring. You can only hope when you’re that age, wrinkled and white-haired, that love will still make you want to get up and float around a marble dance floor with your significant other in your arms.

But the wonderful sentiment is quickly washed away. After telling me it’s the lady’s 65th birthday, grandpa leans in and whispers in my ear, “But she don’t fuck like she’s 65!”

Charming, indeed.

Whether it be girls’ night, gay night or pay-your-date-by-the-hour night, mingling in a museum while sipping martinis gives you a sense of culture – no matter how uncouth you may be. And you can’t help but envy all the random conversations that massive dinosaur has listened in on over the years. Some dirtier than others.

Conversations with extra olive juice, if you will.

Martinis & IMAX. 5:30-10 p.m. Fridays. Fernbank Museum, 767 Clifton Road. 404-929-6300. www.fernbankmuseum.org.