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Down The Rabbit Hole 

A half-nude 23-year-old woman got booted from Underground Atlanta for lack of "proper garments" on her lower half. She strutted across the street — wearing a shirt and "shredded overalls tied around her waist" and no pants. "From a distance, her buttock was clearly exposed," an officer noted. "As I approached her, she turned around and her genitals and pubic area were also clearly exposed." During arrest, the woman got wacky. "She insisted that she was fully dressed — and didn't know why she was being stopped" even after the officer pointed out several times that the woman was naked from the waist down. Suddenly, the woman said, "Let me turn this off" and turned her back to the officer. The officer heard a zapping noise. A security guard yelled, "She's got a taser!" The officer ordered "Drop it!" and she did. At the Underground precinct, the officer asked for the woman's name. First, she uttered expletives. Then, she said her name was "Alice in Wonderland." She followed this up with a less-imaginative name: "City Soliciting." While waiting to be fingerprinted, the woman insisted that police were now tasing HER, and she kept calling male officers "ma'am" and female officers "sir." Also, the officer noted, "She was having conversations with herself while lying down on her back on the floor of the holding area with her legs up in the air."

Perplexed and tired of dealing with the woman's "exposed genitals" and "demented" behavior, the officer got an ambulance to take the woman to Atlanta City Jail. Upon arrival, the woman lunged at a corrections officer trying to take her photo. According to the police report, the woman has several aliases including Carmichael, Cilleh, and Juanua. She's charged with public indecency and acting violent.

GET SCHOOLED

In the Pittsburgh neighborhood on Welch Street, an APS elementary school principal asked her staff to do an inventory of school equipment. Apparently, plenty of taxpayer-funded equipment from the school's music and media storage areas went missing over the summer. Items reported missing included: three 14-inch projectors, a digital camera, radio, digital audio system and digital piano. Total value: $2,246.

Two staff members say the missing items were locked away in a secure storage spaces in May — and there were no signs of forced entry when they returned in August. According to the police report, two school staffers "believe the rooms were entered by someone with a key."

SHELL GAMES

A man got busted for trying to sell turtles outside West End Mall. He had three small containers filled with turtles. The man admitted that he did not have a permit to sell turtles of any size. He got a ticket.

BAKERY BREAKDOWN

A Georgia State college student reportedly freaked out while working his job at a doughnut shop in Downtown Atlanta. His co-worker — a 36-year-old woman — told him to stop slamming the oven doors. Infuriated, the college student grabbed a doughnut knife and pointed the knife at the co-worker, screaming that he hated working in the doughnut shop and he hated everyone else who worked there. His co-worker ordered him to leave — right now. Days later, the student was fired. The 36-year-old woman claims the incident put her into a state of shock — and she had to be treated for anxiety at a hospital. Plus, she claims her anxiety made her unable to return to work at the doughnut shop — for the entire summer. However, the woman waited nearly three months — from June to August — to actually report the incident to police. (Also, she arrived at the police precinct with her attorney and a paralegal.)

LOCO LADY

On a recent Saturday night, a Marietta woman clutching a gold purse dined at a fancy Mexican restaurant in Atlantic Station. Apparently, she was not pleased with her meal. First, she threw food and silverware at restaurant employees. Then, she took some restaurant items, flung them onto the floor and stomped on them. Also, the 29-year-old woman refused to pay for her meal. A police officer showed up and gave her a warning. She refused to sign it. So the officer took the woman to jail.

LIQUID REVENGE

A 26-year-old Stone Mountain man got charged with DUI, after driving up too slowly to a police roadblock near a cemetery. "When he stepped out of the car, he seemed unaware of what was going on," an officer wrote. During field sobriety tests, the man "became frustrated when he could not comprehend." The officer asked him to do the 10-step walk-and-turn test. The man stumbled on his ninth step, and yelled, "Fuck it and take me to jail! Do whatever you have to do!" The officer asked him to try again. The man tried — and stumbled. "No one can pass this test!" he yelled. "I already got my lawyer ready — so do what you have to do." Once in the patrol car, the man yelled that since he couldn't go to the bathroom, he was going to pee in the back seat — which he did. Also, he yelled that his uncle is District Attorney Paul Howard. Plus, he said he's not going to get in trouble because he has enough money to take care of the situation. At the Atlanta jail, the man's pants fell down and he threatened to pee all over the place. Minutes later, he "peed all over the floor."

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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