Eat Your Greens 

Envy is a bitch. Don't get me wrong; She's a beautiful bitch - with milky pale skin, eyes of green, and hair a deep, dark red - but she's a bitch nonetheless, the way she shows up uninvited. And I can say I've seen both sides of it. Take ice storm weekend.I chased flurries of excitement while much of the city headed for the supermarket, hoarded water and canned goods, and prepared to weather the sleet and freezing rain. And the only cold I was willing to recognize Fri., Jan. 28, was cold chillin'. And all I was hoarding was a champagne bottle as I circulated around The Mark to celebrate owner Pablo's birthday and listened to DJs including Keiran spin till 3 a.m. I watched two acquaintances - sassy things we'll call Courvoisier and Cookiepuss - seize and tease the dancefloor as they took advantage of the night's Skin theme. They weren't making love to the camera so much as making out with the camera, and I was close enough to their clique to learn what having a perfect pair of "nickel nipples" means.

That was an enviable position, some would surely say. But, sorry guys, ice or no ice, you're still gonna end up in the cold with that pair. Don't envy too much. I didn't go in the utility closet, where all my friends used to do their drugs in the Karma days, but I didn't feel drenched in enough legitimate debauchery to hang the night over anyone's head. Maybe I just have thick skin, forgive the pun, but the people I know have gone from eating pills to sipping wine, and we're not complaining. It was satisfying enough to have a welcoming place to bunker down as the sting of the initial freeze settled in. Who knows how long people waited for their window of escape.

We're not a storm-savvy city. Hell, we're not a storm savvy region. Looking for one last Friday-night fling, our caravan stopped by Underground just before 3:30 a.m. and found it no winter wonderland. It was more a no man's land and locked tight as a liquor law. So it was back to drinking, sequestered, at home. It kind of set the tone for the weekend.

Tons of the mondo bizarro events I had considered attending Sat., Jan. 29, had to be postponed and rescheduled, from Sheila E.'s appearance at Apache Café to the Satanic Mechanics' rockin' Rocky Horror-themed show celebrating the anniversary of the Star Bar (now set to take place Thurs., Feb. 3). Even though there were few places to go, there were certainly more people out on the streets walking in the middle of the road like it weren't no thing. The most common items being carted around were easily identified as cases of beer.

Over in Grant Park, friends drank wine, shot off fireworks and made the plastic lids of sweater boxes, etc., into makeshift sleds. I heard about this all secondhand, of course, not wanting to risk the roads, and especially the bridges, between Inman and Grant Park. Maybe it was because I was isolated, watching and oh so closely identifying with the John Cusack character in High Fidelity, but I gotta admit, I was feeling envious of their fun.

That's when she started staring me in the face, my green-eyed trickster. She haunts me, I tell you, that Envy. She's been on my case for a decade. And she can match you drink for drink. So I did the only thing I could think of to shut her up: I bribed her. I told her about how I'm going to check out the Star Bar anniversary. Also on Feb. 3, Seb Fontaine is DJing at The Mark. Maybe I'll go give Underground another chance when I'm not geeked out and catch the 99X Sinner's Ball on Sat., Feb. 5. And then the Decatur Social Club and Costume Party promoters join forces to offer the Black Heart Ball, an "indie rock/retro formal," on Sat., Feb. 12. Suck it and suck it up, Envy, I'm too busy to hang out with you.

So stay cozy: We'll warm back up next week.

Keep one RedEye open. And send all comments, questions, observations and invitations to



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