Fast-food meltdown 

A 28-year-old man took his girlfriend and kids to McDonald's, but they couldn't agree on what to eat. After returning to their apartment on Mt. Zion Road, his girlfriend threw an iced-tea can at his head. The man collected the children and put them in their bedrooms and the girlfriend slammed a bag of McDonald's food "causing the bag to explode in the living room." Silently, the man picked up the food off of the floor, refusing to verbally feed her frenzy. Enraged, the girlfriend threw his clothes onto the floor. Silently, the man hung up his clothes. Totally pissed, the girlfriend bit and scratched his neck. The man walked into his bedroom and lay down on his bed — silently, of course. The girlfriend allegedly grabbed a "heavy-duty meat tenderizer" and started beating the man's arm. He wrestled the meat tenderizer away from her and called police.

An officer walked upstairs to speak with the girlfriend. He found her on the bed "not wearing any lower undergarments." The officer wrote, "I immediately turned around and walked back into the breezeway and asked [the woman] to obtain some clothing and use them to cover herself." A few minutes later, the girlfriend walked out "wearing only a thong." The girlfriend went to jail on battery charges.

Jittery bride

Someone left a brand-new red Lexus 4350 unlocked and running — with the keys in the ignition — outside of a bridal shop on West Paces Ferry Road. A bridal shop employee called police about the Lexus. An officer arrived and looked into the car and tried to figure out who owned it. He found a badge in the center console "with a number to the office of finance," he wrote. That sounded vague, so the he Blotter Diva checked the number. Turns out, the badge comes from the Georgia Government Transparency and Campaign Finance Commission. The officer called the state ethics worker's office and left a message saying about the car. The officer locked the door and turned the ignition off.

Alpha Beta Ka-Zappa

In Edgewood, a 20-year-old man called police because he believes confused frat boys were targeting his Moreland Avenue apartment. First, someone egged his house, leaving broken eggshells all over the front porch. Two days later, someone smashed a front window and left a box cutter on the front porch. Also, a chair was stolen from his porch and moved to the front porch of a home across the street. The man said a fraternity house is located nearby, and he "assumed they probably egged the wrong apartment."

Chatty driver

A silver Volkswagen Jetta smashed into three cars parked on a tree-lined residential street in Grant Park. Adding points for difficulty, the Jetta hit one car on the street's left side, then swerved and rammed into two cars on the street's right side.

The driver, a 30-year-old woman, told police she just moved from Alabama and lives at the nearby Pencil Factory Lofts with her boyfriend, who was in the passenger seat. The officer asked: What caused the wreck? First, the woman said she blinked and took her eyes off the road. Then she said she was trying to be "Good Samaritan." The officer asked: What do you mean by that? The woman replied, "Some people lose their jobs if something was to happen." Perplexed, the officer noted, "I informed her that I still didn't understand what she meant." The woman said cryptically, "If someone was to drive and something were to happen, they could lose their job."

Apparently, the woman was under the false impression that another person was in the car besides her boyfriend. The woman said they were coming from a Decatur bar and they "were saying something and I reacted to it." The officer noted, "I questioned her use of the word 'they' since only her and her boyfriend were in the car." The woman said she graduated from college in 2005 with a psychology degree. The officer asked her to recite the alphabet. The woman tried, but did exceptionally poorly. Puzzled, she looked at the officer and said, "You're making it difficult." The officer asked: How much did you have to drink tonight? The woman hemmed and hawed. "A little bit," she said nervously. The confused woman said figuring out how much she had to drink would "require mathematics." She kept laughing and saying, "You are fucking with me." Fed up, the officer took her to jail.

Troubled booty call

A North Dakota man was visiting Atlanta and staying at a cheap hotel near Buford Highway. The man invited a lady friend over to spend the night. Days later, he noticed bizarre charges on his ATM card statement — $160 worth of charges from the Atlanta City Jail. Police called up the lady friend, who admitted that she took a photo of his debit card and made the fraudulent charges. She said she made some calls from the Atlanta City Jail because she was locked up for a DUI.

Midnight madness

"I fell on a wine glass and cut my lip and neck." That's how a 39-year-old Stone Mountain man explained an early morning spat with his "friend" on Metropolitan Parkway. His friend had another story. He said they've been lovers for two weeks and "I held up a cheap Dollar Store wine glass to his face, it broke cutting his neck." The Stone Mountain guy with the cut face said he was "just visiting" his friend's apartment. The officer noted, the man was "very vague and did not want to talk any further." He did not want to press charges against his friend — he just wanted to go home.

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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