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Karma Cleanser 

Piss drunk and puke problems

Karma Cleanser:

I was house sitting for my employer while he and his family were at the beach. Upon their return, the family discovered that a hallway rug was missing. I explained that I had taken the rug to the cleaner because their dog had had an accident.

Well, this rug did fall victim to a urinary accident; however, the dog wasn't to blame. I had some friends over to the house, and we were having a few drinks. I drank way too much. While trying to make my way to the bathroom, I had an accident of which I thought only toddlers were capable.

Does having the carpet cleaned clear my bad karma from this embarrassing episode?

-- House Trained

The real loser here (other than you, Mr. Depends), is the pooch, who'll have to live down a wrongful accusation of peeing in front of company. He's probably over it already, but the universe frowns upon blaming our own bladder issues on defenseless bystanders. Buy the dog a bone and respectfully end your house-sitting career before you stain again.

Karma Cleanser:

I got silly willy drunk at my girlfriend's brother's wedding, drove to her house, puked in her toilet and slept (passed out) on her bathroom floor until her parents came over for breakfast the following morning.

-- Rude Awakenings

Sleeping on the floor, revealing your true lush colors to your girlfriend's parents and somehow not getting dumped afterward shows me that you must have some karmic brownie points to spare. Puke on, Bathroom Boy.

Get right with the universe before it gets back at you. Send confessions and questions about how to avoid karmic retribution to karma@creativeloafing.com. All entries are anonymous, of course.

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