Karma Cleanser 

Karma Cleanser:

My husband is from Pakistan. His brother says because I'm overweight, my husband should leave me. His wife gained some weight, and he told her to move out. So I called INS and told them some (mostly true) stuff and had him deported. Was that right?

-- Sent Pak'n

You did the States a favor by shipping this pig back to Pakistan. The universe will reward you accordingly.

Karma Cleanser:

I attended Music Midtown, got stumbling drunk and decided to meander down beautiful Ponce de Leon. I bought myself and a nice gentleman a quart of beer and we spent some quality time in a random parking lot. I woke up the next day on my front porch with black feet (I'm white), a huge cut on my foot and no money. I felt extremely dirty (both physically and mentally). Please cleanse me of my drunken debauchery.

-- Down and Out on Ponce

Consider your gimp foot and lost cash the cosmic toll paid to the Gods of Sketchy Travel, who were kind enough to deliver you home in one piece. For future reference, MARTA is smarta.

Karma Cleanser:

My roommate and I were supposed to split a bottle of absinthe. He went to a show last night and I accidentally drank the entire bottle. I felt like shit this morning, because of guilt and that evil wormwood stuff. Since I feel so awful, do I have to make it up to him so karma won't come back to get me?

-- Greedy Greeny

You're still hallucinating if you think you can get out of buying him another bottle of fairy juice. And don't even try to skimp with that domestic shit, either.

Send confessions and questions about how to avoid karmic retribution to karma@creativeloafing.com. All entries are anonymous, of course.

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