Karma Cleanser - August 29 2001

Karma Cleanser:
A long time ago, I had a young lovely wife. Unfortunately, she had a not-so-lovely pair of parents. However, I did get along great with her two siblings and we would all spend holidays at their mom and dad’s house. One Thanksgiving, I decided to add a little fun to our holiday festivities, and made a huge batch of hash brownies for dessert. I let no one in on the prank except my brother-in-law. It was pretty funny; mixed with the Baileys Irish Cream, the conversation that Thanksgiving was far from boring. For our first springtime barbecue the following year, I brought a baked spaghetti dish with “special” mushrooms. Man! My mother-in-law (an English teacher in a Catholic school) was running around reciting Shakespeare. My father-in-law just laughed and laughed all afternoon and ate everything he could get his hands on. With puzzlement in their faces, they would have a momentary glimpse at reality then dismiss it and continue laughing or quoting Hamlet. Am I doomed or what?

-- The Ganja Gourmet

Doomed? Doubtful. Lucky that someone didn’t freak (or worse)? Probably. Invited to the Karma Cleanser’s next family reunion? Definitely.

Karma Cleanser:
A couple a years ago, I was working as a caretaker for a retarded guy. Well, one day he got upset because I wouldn’t let him have any more cookies (he had eaten more than 20 already), and he hauled off and hit me with a good right cross. I hit him back, and continued to hit him (beat him down) until he stopped fighting back. Was I wrong to defend myself?

-- Cookie Monster

Your use of the phrase “beat him down” implies that this was more than self-defense, and calling it that now betrays your own insecurities. This episode is the universe’s way of making you face your immaturity. Learn from it, but leave the handicapped sitting to someone more qualified. P.S. You’re going to hell. ??