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Karma Cleanser 

I'm a depression magnet with a talent for breaking angel wings

Karma Cleanser:
Karma hit me hard recently. There was a prediction that this angel would break my heart due to the three I smashed justifiably in the past. Now I've become a friend collector weary of romantic depth. I seem like every other heartbroken, self-loathing, depression magnet.
Karma is like milk. You're never sure if you have it at home. It could cause you to be incredibly sick if it's expired. You could suddenly become allergic to it. And it's an ingredient that can make something truly tasty.

-- Double tall catharsis mocha decaf

Eloquent thoughts, DTCMD, but we don't take kindly to attempts to over rhapsodize the Karma Cleanser. Stop crying over your spilled milk and leave the angels to heaven.

Karma Cleanser:
I'd like to be purified for karmic injustices I have committed. Years ago, my high school sweetheart and I broke it off when she met another man. He married her, but months ago I chose to win her back. It was obviously out of sheer revenge for this clown. I had no true intentions. I got her pregnant, and after somewhat of a nervous breakdown, I became aware of what I had done, what I allowed her to do, and the self-integrity I had lost. I was overwhelmed with compassion for this man that I just wanted to be vindictive against. Bammmm, I was slapped with a genuine amount of negative karma and so I asked for forgiveness. Well, universal Intelligence had apparently decided my fate and bailed me out of it (she had a miscarriage).
However, I'm still trying to regain self-love. I've been going back into the dating scene, only absolutely every time I find myself attracted to a woman, I find a ring on her finger. I am so disappointed in myself and invariably STUCK. I don't understand how I can access this invisible Intelligence to clear these negative cycles I have created. Basically, I want to create my soulmate and draw her toward me.

-- Free me, purify me, transform me

Spare me. First, you've gotta transform yourself and stop searching for some invisible "intelligence. It's best to rely on your own. Cut the melodrama and the universe will reward you accordingly.

Send confessions and questions about how to avoid karmic retribution to karma@creativeloafing.com. All entries are anonymous, of course.

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