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Karma Cleanser 

Some lowbrow Democrat unleashed the Secret Service on me

Karma Cleanser:
In a recent telephone conversation with a Democrat about my disgust with the Clintonista regime and my even greater disgust with Hillary's dangerous goal of becoming president, I opined as to how I wished someone would "slap her over the Capitol!" Afterward, the lowbrow Democrat called the Secret Service and reported me as a threat to the Hildebeest, causing an unnecessary investigation. Which one of us created the most bad karma, and why would anyone want to be a Democrat these days?

-- Politically enlightened

Your lefty friend certainly overreacted by siccing the feds on you, and that's his bad karma to bear. You, however, should learn from this that reducing politics to such personal attacks only cheapens the discourse. As for why anyone would want to be a Democrat, perhaps it's a reaction to juvenile ideology like yours.

Karma Cleanser:
A year ago, a casual friend from college bought the condo next door to mine. She has a cocker and I have a Scottie, so we'd take turns walking and sitting each other's dogs. Unfortunately, due to some bullshit with the condo board and some other dirty laundry, our friendship started to go south. The last straw was when my friend blamed me for the dog poop that always sits on the sidewalk in front of our units, although I know it's not from my pooch. Now none of our other neighbors will talk to me.

I kept walking her cocker and tried to think of a way to get revenge. Her dog is on a strict diet to keep his weight down, but every time I'd walk him I started giving him ice cream treats. Now, he's gained about 15 pounds in just a few months. My neighbor is baffled. I worry that she's going to catch on and do something to my dog to retaliate. How bad is all that?

-- Screwed the pooch

Pity the poor puppies in this no-win situation! You're not only endangering the life of the unsuspecting (and probably eager) spaniel, you're also putting your own pet in harm's way. Find a reliable pet-walking service and politely tell your neighbor to do the same before you both end up in the doghouse.

Send confessions and questions about how to avoid karmic retribution to karma@creativeloafing.com, or to Karma Cleanser, Creative Loafing, 750 Willoughby Way, Atlanta, Ga. 30312. All entries are anonymous, of course.

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