Last summer, my partner went through a rough time and he kept coming home drunk several nights in a row. I yelled and screamed at him to no avail. So one night he came home very drunk -- not really sure where he was -- crawled into bed and passed out.
I was so angry, I stood beside the bed looking down at him and his hairy chest. An idea came to me: Nair. I rubbed it all over his chest and then woke him up to tell him he better take a shower. He stumbled into the shower and watched the hair wash down the drain. I never felt bad about what I did. And I actually got pleasure from the fact that as the hair grew in it rubbed against his shirt, leaving him in terrible pain. Hmmm, I wonder what that says about me?
-- Hairy Scary
It says you're a vindictive bitch who has a hard time venting frustrations like a rational adult. It also says you'd better sleep with one eye open; relationship karma like that will surely return with a vengeance.
My confession for the end of 2001 goes something like this: Sure, I "borrowed" my roommate's car, which led to that unfortunate incident with the police and all, which helped get me evicted from my apartment, which led to me moving in with my girlfriend, which sped up our inevitable breakup, which led to me sleeping on my fraternity brother's couch.
Now I'm greeting the new year with no car, no job (don't ask how that came about), no woman, fewer friends and a massive hangover.
My question for the start of 2002 is this: How do I put all the shitty stuff of the past behind me and begin the new year with a clean slate and no bad karma?
--Screwed Up and Over
You, my friend, are a taker. You're left with nothing because you've given the people in your life nothing and taken more than your fair share. Your karmic credit is currently way overextended, which is going to make starting the new year with a clean slate a tough prospect. First make amends with the wronged roommates, then concentrate on reinventing yourself as a giver.
Send confessions and questions about how to avoid karmic retribution to firstname.lastname@example.org, or to Karma Cleanser, Creative Loafing, 750 Willoughby Way, Atlanta, Ga. 30312. All entries are anonymous, of course.
Because they are super-duper horny, of course.
Hoping he cleaned his pooh hammer before hand