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Karma Cleanser 

A retail romance doomed from the start

Dear Karma Cleanser:
I have a longtime, wonderful boyfriend. Yet all my co-workers (or, most of the male ones) think I'm single. It's not that I don't love my boyfriend -- it's just that I don't talk about him to other guys. On purpose.
One guy has expressed an interest in me. He follows me around the stock room, calls on a regular basis and takes breaks with me. While I have assured my boyfriend that "John" is just a co-worker, I have yet to tell John the truth. Am I going to hell? Or should I tell?

-- Lenox Tease

You're playing a risky game of retail deception here, and like most things that come out of malls, it's bound to end badly. No one ever went to hell for being a tease, but you owe it to John to come clean about your boyfriend. Perhaps this little flirtation should tell you something about your relationship with your boyfriend.

Dear Karma Cleanser:
My friend William is the cheapest person I know. Our friends and I decided to play a little joke on him to get him back for putting up with his stingy ways. We've each started leaving random dollar bills lying around his apartment every now and then. It's freaking him out, because he can't figure out where the money is coming from. One friend has suggested we stop because what we're doing is cruel. What do you think?

-- Dolor Bill

Objecting to your friend's frugality is one thing, but toying with his sanity is chintzing on friendship. If you don't like stingy Bill and can't tell him like adults, cut your losses and move on. Then again, William is having the last laugh. In the end, he's the one enjoying the mystery money, not you.

Dear Karma Cleanser:

My friends and I have discussed your karmic verdict delivered to "It Does A Body Good," (Feb. 20) and we disagree that he is wrong to add some "other" essential nutrients to his milk. I mean, it is his milk, not his roommate's, and if he can live with drinking his own cold spooge, we think it's a just desert for the pilfering roomie. Everyone has the right to ruin their possessions, after all.

-- the Karmic Koffee Kommittee

Sorry koffee kids, but the Karma Cleanser disagrees. The question here is intention. Our frisky lad was spoiling the milk as a petty revenge tactic. Sure, the pilfering roomie may be getting his just desert (not to mention an unexpected protein boost), but such sabotage strategies never work in the long run. Intentionally ruining one's own possessions might not create bad karma, but it does leave a bad taste in the mouth.

Get right with the universe at karma@creativeloafing.com.

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