Anyhoo, I'm feeling guilty about hiding my oh-so-enjoyable habit. I just can't seem to lay off the dope. Am I destined to bad karma for not respecting my girlfriend's wishes or should I just smoke a big, fat bowl and forget about this whole dilemma?
-- CLOSET POTHEAD
Hitting the bong to giggle at Bart sounds innocent enough, but sneaking smokes behind the back of a concerned loved one has "problem" written all over it. We're not trying to be all Nancy Reagan, but maybe you should listen to your honey and try taking a two-week breather from the Rasta thing.
Dear Karma Cleanser:
On a recent stormy day, I was walking downtown struggling against the downpour and trying to balance an armload of stuff. The rain started to finally let up, so I decided to close my umbrella to ease my load. I started to cross a street lined with illegally parked cars when the metal tip of my umbrella scratched the back of an SUV. The sound it made was as ugly as the jagged mark it left. I stopped for like a nanosecond to look at the damage and quickly walked off. I'm sorry for the scratch -- it was an accident -- but I don't feel guilty for not trying to find the owner to explain because the car was blocking part of the crosswalk. The way I see it, they shouldn't have parked there, so what happened to their car was punishment for being an inconsiderate driver and ignoring the parking restrictions. Am I right? Is my own karma intact?
-- DIDN'T LEAVE A NOTE
Sure, Mr. Asshole SUV shouldn't have blocked the crosswalk. But that doesn't justify your Penguin-style car attack. Don't try to rationalize the incident by blaming it on an inconsiderate parker. How about just calling it what it was -- an accident. In hindsight, you probably should have left a note, but unforeseen scrapes from overburdened pedestrians are certainly among the risks of parking (illegally) in a crowded downtown area. It happens. Move on.
Been bad? Get right with the universe at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Because they are super-duper horny, of course.
Hoping he cleaned his pooh hammer before hand
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