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Karma Cleanser 

A potion for love ... and revenge

Dear Karma Cleanser:
The guy I was dating (my friends call it "stalking," but what do they know?) has now been seen in the company of a woman who I will refer to only as The Slut. The thought of those two together makes me so angry. I went to the Internet and found a website selling guaranteed Love Potions and Revenge Potions. I bought both. I was able to use the love potion on the guy, using an old sock of his. You don't have to drink them, just pour them on a possession belonging to the object of your love or revenge. However, I have no items of The Slut to use the potion on. I'm thinking of stealing mail from her mailbox to use it on, but I'm having second thoughts about the whole situation. What should I do?

-- Witch Project

Hello, did you not catch one single episode of "Buffy" last season? Toying with the black arts will eventually come back and kick your ass. Dark Willow proves that what seems like an innocent little spell can quickly backfire, turning you into a veiny, pale, hell-bent vixen with plans to destroy the world. OK, so maybe it won't reach that point, but stealing mail is getting pretty damn psycho, plus it's a federal crime. Pour out those potions before they further poison your already compromised soul.



Dear Karma Cleanser:
My grandmother was not a very good parent to my mother and her sisters when they were kids. She was emotionally distant and sometimes could be cruel. Now, Grandmother is in her 80s and is unable to take care of herself, so she has moved in with my aunt, her oldest daughter. My aunt is enjoying the new power, and reminds Grandmother constantly about how mean she was and how she damaged all of her children.

I'm torn about what to do. I know my aunt has a point, but I think she's taking things too far and acting needlessly cruel herself. Is Grandmother just feeling the impact of her own bad karma, or is my aunt out of line by acting like this?

-- Family Feud

Perhaps the answer is both. Grandma seems to be getting her just desserts for years of abuse. But then again, your aunt is obviously not the best caregiver if she's just using this as an opportunity for payback, and her behavior should tell the rest of the family something about her maturity. Put Grandma in a home or pawn her off on another daughter for a while to spare her from spending her twilight years in torment.

Been bad? Send your confessions, questions and recipes for humble pie to karma@creativeloafing.com.

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