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Karma Cleanser 

Date or faux-date?

Dear Karma Cleanser:
I met this girl on a chat line. We talked for several months ... without seeing each other. There was always some problem on her side. I should have seen the signs that this was wrong, right? Of course not, I'm an idiot. I let this ride until my birthday. She stood me up and I haven't heard from her since. I called her and when I did someone hung up the phone. I had put so much effort in her because my year overall has been shitty, and when she pulled this last stunt, I was so enraged that I wrote her a rather mean letter. It included statements such as "Fuck you," "Eat a dick, dyke bitch," and "I can see why your ex-boyfriend slapped you around." Should I worry about karma kicking my ass for this letter?

-- The idiot

Your situation is all too familiar: Boy chats with girl. Girl disses boy. Boy spews terroristic threats. Your lesson: Don't settle for anything less than a real date, which should involve forced dinner conversation, shared movie popcorn and an awkward end-of-evening "should I kiss him/her?" moment. So first, enroll in an anger management class, and second, get out there and start meeting women in person.

Dear Karma Cleanser:
My first car was a Chevy Spectra. I lost that one when my husband drove it (after I told him not to) to pay a bill and it got impounded. My second car was an '88 Maxima; it lasted a year-and-a-half. One day I told my husband to check the oil, he said he would when he got back from work. He never made it to work. Something happened and a cam broke. Our third car was a '92 Gallant. This was "his" car, the car from hell. In January someone hit my husband and a month later, the Gallant broke down near our home; hours later it was broken into and the seats were stolen. The next day it was gone. Last month someone hit my husband in the Camry I bought in April. I have to have a car but I'm scared to get another one. I used to think we had bad carma, but now I think it's just him. How do I make it stop?

-- Carless

The clear culprit here is your husband. We wonder if there isn't a broader theme of him wrecking your life in general. When you do get a new ride, don't let him borrow it, don't give him a lift, don't even let him look at it. Eventually his debt to the driving deities will be paid. Until then, let him walk.

Been bad? Send the universe an "I suck" letter.

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