Dear Karma Cleanser:
While my girlfriend was out of town, I went out with friends and got sloppy, shit-faced drunk. We're talking the drunkest I've been since senior year of college: Alcohol poisoning would have been a relief. I came home and puked all over our bedroom floor.
By the time my girlfriend got back, I had cleaned up the mess. I told her I was out late with the guys, and that I was hungover the next day. (I was actually extremely hungover the next day, pretty much miserable any time my eyes were open.) I did not tell her about the puking incident.
Later, my buddy was in our apartment, and the asswipe asked how long it took me to clean up the throw up. My girlfriend is now pissed at me for "lying." I say it was not a lie, because I just didn't tell her about it. And wasn't my suffering the next day karmic revenge enough?
-- Why I Don't Invite Friends Over
We've all been there, brother. Your girlfriend should give you a pass on this one, although omissions and lies both qualify as things that make our significant others less trusting when they leave town. Maybe this is the universe reminding you that things go better when you're under adult supervision.
Dear Karma Cleanser:
My roommate, who I have lived with for more than two years, was using my computer when his was in the shop. We share everything like that; it's a close relationship. Anyway, after he was done, I could not help but notice that he had left his e-mail open. I did not intend to pry, because I would not want him to do that to me. But I innocently read one message from someone whose name I did not recognize, and learned that my roommate has accrued more than $1,000 in gambling debts to some shady character named "Maury."
Now I am in a bad spot. I don't want to admit to my roommate that I read his e-mails, but I am also worried about him. And, even worse, I don't want to get saddled paying all the rent if this gambling thing gets out of control. Help!
-- Bets Are Off
You're paying the karmic price for prying, and the only way out is to lay your own cards on the table and tell your roomie what you did. If the two of you are really as close as you claim, then maybe he'll overlook the snooping (this time) and come clean about his "Maury" situation. Your losing hand can become a winner if you fold now and remember to count no one else's chips but your own.
Been bad? firstname.lastname@example.org.
Because they are super-duper horny, of course.
Hoping he cleaned his pooh hammer before hand