Dear Karma Cleanser:
I have been dating five different men (from the same bar). Friday night, it all came to a head. I met one there and three of the other four showed up. Needless to say, they all got to talking and now they are all buddies and think I'm a big slut.
Worse, I slept with one on Friday (in his truck -- he was too cheap to get a motel and he has a girlfriend, so we couldn't go to his house) and he still hasn't called me!
The other one wants to marry me, and he told that to the one I slept with. It was one big, ugly, drunken mess. The innocent one -- who is very possessive -- ended up crying to the one I was with. They both said to me the other was a great guy!
In the meantime, my old boyfriend of six years has been chirping me on the Nextel!
Help! I want to be a good person and love only one man. How do I clean up this mess?
When it comes to sexual politics, the Karma Cleanser prescribes a "first, do no harm" approach: If consenting adults can get their freak on and nobody has any bones broken (or their feelings trampled) in the process, then go for it. Your approach seems to be the opposite, spreading those legs so fast and wide that five not-so-innocent bystanders got sideswiped. Our advice: Shut down the candy factory for a while. Take a breather from the bar and the booty calls. See which of the boys (if any) you actually miss hanging out with. And please, no more truck fucks!
Dear Karma Cleanser:
It's raining again today. This has been happening every day since I broke up with my girlfriend of two years. I know that one person's mood can't affect the weather, but I am beginning to believe that my own depression has caused this rash of showers and thunderstorms. I just hope that it's affecting her as harshly as it's affecting me.
My question, then, is: How do I get the rain to stop? I'm normally a cheerful person. Just not right now.
Meteorology certainly informs mood, but not vice versa. Your current blue period might suck, but it didn't cause the crappy weather -- hello, it's springtime! Ever heard of April showers? We're also confused. Sounds like you did the dumping, yet you're the glum one now? Our forecast: Skies will stay gray until you decide what you really want.
Been bad? email@example.com.
Because they are super-duper horny, of course.
Hoping he cleaned his pooh hammer before hand