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Karma Cleanser 

Will it come back to bite you?

Dear Karma Cleanser:

My fiancee just announced that she wants to move to Central America. She's a teacher and has an opportunity at a school there. Our wedding, which was planned for next spring, is now on hold.

This isn't necessarily bad news. I am "in between" jobs right now, and she says she wants me to go with her. The thing is, I have no interest in Latin America. None. The thought of living in a village in the middle of nowhere makes my skin crawl.

I love my fiancee, she loves me, and if this thing goes sour, it'll be my third engagement scratched. I think my karma is screwed if I bow out now, but how can I possibly go forward?

-- No Me Gusta

Have you heard the new Gwen Stefani single? It starts with -- get this -- a sample of "The Lonely Goatherd" from The Sound of Music before progressing into the sort of hook-laden pop candy we're used to hearing from the Hollaback Girl. Our point? Sometimes things that sound really awful at first can be oddly charming in reality. Your karma points will be doubled for taking a risk on adventure and self-fulfillment. Should you pass, well, that shit is bananas.

Dear Karma Cleanser:

So, I'm caught up in a lonely, desperate situation. Friend A, we will call her Anne, has been in a feud with Friend B. We'll call her Beulah.

It is not worth exploring what caused this feud. These two are fighting all the time. But then Beulah sent an e-mail to me (and like six other friends) that took a shot at Anne. Do I have an obligation to Anne to tell her what was said, even though the e-mail wasn't technically for her eyes?

Keep in mind, these girls have been friends off and on again for 10 years, so we have all been through this before. I'm mainly worried about my own welfare, not theirs.

-- Stop It, You're Both Pretty

"Lonely" and "desperate"? Lame and dumb is more like it: not the girls, but you for wanting to insert yourself in the middle of their catfight. We were sure your letter referred to a pair of high school sophomores, until we got to the bit about a decade of friendship, which, unless they met in pre-school, makes us think these are actually adults who are sparring. Let Itchy and Scratchy settle the score between themselves. Stand back lest the blood get splattered on you as well.

Been bad? karmacleanser@gmail.com

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