Dear Karma Cleanser:
I am having recurring dreams about Tom Cruise. What usually happens is that I am at some sort of health spa getting a massage and facial. A nurse approaches me and says that they are running a special on Botox and asks if I want to sign up. I look to my left and I realize I'm lying next to Tom. He's wearing just a towel and he says to me, "You should do it – it's great!"
I should add here that I am a heterosexual male, 26 years old, with no previous interest in Tom's stupid movies until my girlfriend made me watch Vanilla Sky. She earnestly believes that Tom is the best actor alive today and she is constantly goading me into trying new things, although Botox has not been on the menu, at least not yet. Help!
– Risky Business
We're not sure which is harder to believe: that a straight guy would confess to dreaming about a scantily clad Tom Cruise and spa days (complete with facial!) or that your girlfriend can honestly expect you to take her seriously ever again after recommending a stinker like Vanilla Sky. Regardless, your dream reaffirms what your instincts already know: Don't believe everything you're told.
Dear Karma Cleanser:
Is there a karmic solution to depression? I have been down in the dumps for months now. I refuse to go on antidepressants because I have seen what they do to some people.
I first found myself stuck in a pit of despair shortly after I changed jobs. As much as I hated my former workplace, I now miss the comfort and reliability of it. Now I'm in a more unpredictable situation in terms of employment and having to face my disillusionment. I went to school for this? No thanks.
I bring up karma because I know there have been times in my career when I did not choose the hard/right thing to do, but the easy/wrong thing. It only takes a few of those choices to lead a person to the place where I am now.
– Winter in April
It seems significant that we received your letter on the first night of Passover, a holiday that speaks of leaving an unhappy place in search of brighter horizons. Doing so also means shedding our airs and arrogance – in your case, that may require a fuller understanding of why you chose those "easy/wrongs" to start with. Finally, you owe it to yourself to talk to a professional about your depression and hang-ups regarding medication. Some folks have a burning bush to lead them toward the Promised Land; the rest of us need a little earthly help along the way.
Been bad? email@example.com.
Because they are super-duper horny, of course.
Hoping he cleaned his pooh hammer before hand
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