Dear Karma Cleanser:
I discovered, by accident, that my girlfriend has stopped taking birth-control pills. She didn't tell me beforehand, nor did she warn me that we should be using a different kind of contraception. This makes me suspect that she was intentionally trying to get pregnant.
We are both still in college. We have dated for more than a year, and I still have at least two years to go before finishing my degree. After that, I want to go to grad school out in California. She's not sure of her plans.
I feel like I've been ambushed. When I ask her why she stopped the pill, she just changes the subject or gets hostile. I think this might make us break up. At the same time, I don't want to lose her because I can see us getting married someday. I'm just not ready for that yet, and she knows it.
I think this is a serious offense on her part. Am I wrong?
– Sneak Attacked
A woman can have myriad reasons for quitting the pill, but you're rightly alarmed that she didn't warn you ahead of time. The karmic consequences are already unfolding: You've lost trust in the relationship, and once that frantic bird has been released from its cage, it's damn difficult to recapture. We're not saying this is the end. You're only a year into the relationship, and these are the days when you attempt to understand what makes the gears turn in the machine of your partner's mind. The truth is you will probably never know, but if she's acting this shady so early on, we can bet it's only going to get worse.
Dear Karma Cleanser:
Every time I go to a certain fried-chicken restaurant here in town, they screw up my order. Two visits ago, they forgot to give me my sides. The time after that, they gave me wings when I asked for thighs. Last night, I thought they'd finally gotten everything right. When I got home, I had chicken strips instead of breasts.
I keep going back to this restaurant because I like their chicken. I am starting to feel like they are screwing up my order on purpose. At the same time, the guy behind the counter is very nice to me.
How can I improve my karma so that I can finally enjoy my correct order in peace?
– Loser at Winner's
Breaking news: You live in the South. Fried-chicken joints grow like weeds around here. Surely there's another restaurant in town than can deliver you delicious artery-clogging goodness without all the service issues. Improve your karma by broadening your horizons. Don't be chicken to try new things. Get it? Chicken!
Been bad? firstname.lastname@example.org.
Because they are super-duper horny, of course.
Hoping he cleaned his pooh hammer before hand