Dear Karma Cleanser:
I had two friends visiting for Labor Day weekend, some guys who I used to get hammered with in college but haven't seen much of in the past few years.
True to form, we started drinking every day at noon and kept our buzz going well into the night. I don't drink as much as I used to, but I surprised myself by keeping up drink-for-drink with these two, who are still just as crazy as they were as undergrads.
The weekend was going great until Sunday night. We had a long lunch with margaritas, afternoon beers at a sports bar then came back to my place to finish off the keg from the night before. By about 9 p.m. I was flying high – and then came crashing down. I don't remember what happened next, but I ended up in the guest bedroom of my apartment, and it was there where I started spewing. I puked all over the bed that my friends had been sleeping in the night before. And it was there where I passed out.
The next morning my buddies left without saying goodbye. They said in a note that they had slept on the couch and on the floor. They did not clean up my puke.
I feel like an ass now, and I know that my karma is damned.
– – Wake Me Up Before You Go
Reading your letter not only caused us to gag a little, it also made us relieved (again) that those "glory days" of college keggers are now behind us. Consider this incident the universe's way of hammering home a similar lesson: Binge drinking might've been a satisfying hobby when you were 19 and pretending to be 24. At 34 it's just sad and messy. Next time your friends are in town (if they ever come to visit again, that is) spring for a nice hotel for them, one without a minibar.
Dear Karma Cleanser:
If your boyfriend loses your car keys and then doesn't want to pay for a new set, is that a sign that I should break up with him?
I've been seeing this guy for four months, and he's really great. Good sense of humor, nice-looking, and he seems to be really into me. The only problem is that he doesn't have a car. He's very anti-fossil fuels and bikes everywhere. When he needs a car, he uses mine. I didn't mind our arrangement until the other night when he lost my car keys. Not just misplaced, but they are lost forever, and it's going to cost me $200 to replace them. I'm angry, but I don't want this to ruin the relationship. He's being a big baby about the whole thing and claims he's not sure that he actually lost them, so he shouldn't pay.
– – Walking Wounded
Dump him. Just because he owns a bicycle doesn't give him license to act like a 12-year-old.
Been bad? firstname.lastname@example.org
Because they are super-duper horny, of course.
Hoping he cleaned his pooh hammer before hand