Lust List 2013: William 

Job: Door guy and server, Noni's | barista, Kavarna

Age: 23

Relationship status: Has a girlfriend

William has the smoldering, intellectual-artist thing down. When he's not manning the door at Noni's or serving coffee at Kavarna, William can be found painting "familial," "ahistorical" things like the mural behind his bed inspired by Philip K. Dick's Ubik. William has been called a "shitty door guy" at Noni's on more than one occasion for refusing to grant special favors. But he doesn't mind. He's more content cracking open a berry La Croix and hanging out with his girlfriend. He's actually surrounded by women in his life: His mother (whom he talks to several times a week), his sister (whom he lives with), his girlfriend, of course, and a beloved, 185-pound mastiff named Mila. Get in line ladies.

What's your standard drink?

La Croix, "la croy?" Do you know how to say it? That sparkling water drink.

What's the last thing that made you cry?

When they killed Cyril on that HBO show "Oz." It wasn't fair. It was really sad. I watched it a couple months ago and I cried pretty hard.

Who would play you in the movie of your life?

The little kid from the Simon Birch movie.

What's your least favorite thing about Atlanta?

Public transportation and how inherently segregated it is.

Name one thing you've stolen.

In high school, at a rival football team's stadium, I took 20 bucks from a kid. It was at Lassiter High School and I felt really bad about it. Sorry.

What's your pettiest relationship deal-breaker?

If she's religious, that sort of kills it for me.

What would you order for your last meal?

Chick-fil-A french fries, a big bowl of them, and a case of berry La Croix.

How much would you charge to murder a stranger?

$100,000, stock options, health benefits.

How do you handle rejection?

Joke about it; maybe say really mean things behind their back.

With whom would you like to play Truth or Dare?

Pol Pot.

What did your parents want you to do with your life?

My mom really wanted me to be a landscape painter.

What's your wackiest piece of personal trivia?

I am a bagpipe virtuoso. Actually, I took bagpipe lessons for a week or two, but I was awful so I quit.

What band were you obsessed with when you were 14?

N*SYNC, obviously.

What's your guiltiest pleasure?

I watch a lot of Netflix.

What's your least favorite household chore?

I have a really big, messy dog, and it's really tedious cleaning up after her.

Describe your relationship to exercise.

I lightly exercise ... a few times a week.

What do you wish someone would hurry up and invent?

I guess it wouldn't really be inventing, but creating universal health care in America. Or better public transportation in this city.

What's the lamest pickup line anyone's used on you?

I don't think I'm aware when pickup lines happen, that's the problem.

What movie would you most like to live in?

Something with really elaborate costumes.

What's the first album you bought with your own money?

I remember purposefully saving up because I wanted to buy my own version of the first N*SYNC album.

What's the best way for a customer to hit on you?

I'd just rather they didn't, because I'm at work.

What's the one thing you most hope to accomplish this year?

Be accepted into grad school for painting.

Is there a drawback to being attractive?


Who's the most important person in your life?

My sister. And my family, we're all sort of generally close, in a really weird way. Or at least everyone thinks it weird ... that we're so close. We don't have sex with each other.

What's your sexy-time soundtrack?

Jimi Tenor, probably anything in his discography.

Have you ever been dumped? If so, what was the reason?

I spent my whole high school years being really angry because no one would ever date me. I don't know. None of the girls I liked liked me. I lived in a perpetual state of being dumped until recently with my girlfriend. But she could dump me. I don't know. Maybe she's thinking about it ...

Have you ever stalked someone on Instagram?


How often do you talk to your mother?

A few times a week.

What's your preferred footwear?

Any footwear is fine.

What's the most romantic place in Atlanta?

Driving around the city late at night. The city is dead at night and it's sort of pretty.

What's your weirdest recurring dream?

I always have this dream that a plane is flying overhead and we all know that it just dropped a nuclear bomb and we're all really scared and anxious, and then I wake up.

What personal attribute are you a sucker for?

I like dimples. And prominent mouths.

Where would you go on a bucket list vacation?

Outer space. Or the Trans-Siberian Railway.

Not counting rent or bills, where does most of your disposable income go?

Food. I spend a lot of money on it.

What's your life's ambition/grandest dream?

I would like to be able to live comfortably, have moderate savings, and live and work off of my own art.

If you had to spend $1 million in one afternoon, what would you do?

I'd pay off family debts, which makes it sound like we are involved with the mafia, but I'd pay off family debts and with whatever's leftover, which would be a lot, I'd be generous with it.

Have you ever stolen a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend?

I haven't, but it happened to me.

What's your own character flaw you'd most like to fix?

Shit just got real. Maybe a good one to start with would be killing my procrastination then that would give me the ability to kill all my other character flaws.

Why do you think someone nominated you for the Lust List?

I think I know who it was, actually. I don't believe she lusts after me, but yeah I don't know. Because I have a friend.

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