Should a guy be shamed into manscaping?
Is manscaping a good idea? The Sexorcist explains that going Kojak should be a preference not an obligation
I was getting a blowjob from a guy the other day, and he stops and says, “You don’t trim? Don’t you think that’s rude? I might get a pubic hair in my teeth.” I’m thinking, my dick’s in your mouth, but a pubic hair is rude?
I know some guys (and girls) like to trim, and that’s great if that’s what you’re into. I don’t trim, not on my head or on my body. It’s just a preference. I don’t mind if other guys trim, just don’t call me rude for not doing it. I kinda like to see a man with hair on his body. I’m not interested in being with a guy that looks like a prepubescent 12-year-old. I asked a couple of my straight friends about it and they said they trim as well. Is this a generational thing? I’m 38. Am I missing something? I know there’s a difference between shaving and trimming, but I’m starting to get worried about that slippery slope. Next thing you know, we’re all going to be lining up for a full body wax.
— Hirsute
Dear Hirsute,
Your trick broke the First Commandment of sex: Thou shalt not judge. Not if you want your partner to stay in the bed. Nothing will give your dick a flat tire faster than somebody making you feel bad about your body. If there’s a next time with this guy you should introduce him to the Second Commandment of sex: If you want more dick, don’t be one.
That said, manscaping has its advantages. Especially if your crotch looks like Gene Shalit’s face. Let’s face it, nobody wants to hack their way to the treasure.
If you’re so overgrown down there that your partner needs Google Maps, it’s probably time to get the lawn mower out.
The truth is, almost everything looks better when it’s manicured. Clipping, cutting and mowing creates symmetry, order and balance. Not to mention a path to the goods. It can also enhance your sex life by helping you feel more. Hair tends to block subtle sensations. It also tends to breed odor-causing bacteria by trapping moisture.
But the best part of manscaping? It gives your dick an extra “optical inch!” Yes, scissors are the only male enhancement supplement that actually work. By trimming the hair around the base of your penis, you can look bigger by as much as an inch or two. And who doesn’t want that?
Of course, manscaping goes beyond trimming your pubes into adorable little lawn animals. Just like a good haircut can make you look younger and bring out your features, a good body cut can reveal your best assets. There’s a reason body-builders shave — hair blocks the view of the muscles they’ve worked so hard on.
Of course, beauty is in the eyes of the chest stubble victim, so a lot of guys opt for trimming rather than shaving their chests. I don’t think there’s a right answer to the manscaping question (“To trim or not to trim?”) because there are a lot of reasons not to do it.
Number one, in my book, is laziness. I mean, it’s a LOT of work. And there’s something about letting an important call roll to voice mail because you’re shaving your testicles that sounds, I don’t know, awkward.
In addition to simple preference, there are some compelling scientific reasons to keep your fur. Body hair provides warmth and protection from germs, for example. It also helps reduce friction — and thereby irritation — in skin-to-skin contact. But perhaps the best argument for putting down the razor is in the middle of your face. Body hair retains your unique chemical signature, allowing other people to smell, sense and respond to you.
Most scientists believe that a fundamental aspect of pheromones lies in body hair. Get rid of it and you’re probably going to eliminate a big part of the natural scent that turns men and women on.
Either way, going Kojak should be a choice, not an expectation. The lesson here is that if you go home with somebody and don’t like some aspect of his body, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Mike “The Sexorcist” Alvear hosts HBO’s “The Sex Inspectors,” blogs at mikealvear.com and teaches monthly blogging workshops with Hollis Gillespie. Got a burning or a why-is-it-burning question for the Sexorcist? E-mail him at sexorcist@creativeloafing.com.