Mayberry goes to hell 

In Glenwood Park, cops dealt with a string of thefts at a school that aims to train Christian leaders of the future. A man said that on two different occasions, money was stolen from vending machines in the school's student center. "School security pulled the video, which captured both the suspect and his vehicle," the officer wrote. The video shows a man "fumbling with the vending machines and gaining entry to them. He is seen looking around and taking approximately $200 from the machines and putting it in his pocket." The suspect is in his mid-50s and looked like Barney Fife, the bumbling deputy sheriff from "The Andy Griffith Show." Next the cop talked to a school employee, who said she spoke with the suspect before the robbery. She described the man as "short, gray hair, balding, gray beard, looked a lot like Barney Fife." Surveillance video shows the suspect driving away in a black SUV.

The next day, the school's security chief spotted the same suspect walking on campus. Startled, the suspect ran away. In a separate interview, the security chief also told cops the suspect looked a lot like Barney Fife.

Two weeks later, about $100 disappeared from school's vending machines. "The suspect may have been with a previous vending machine company that serviced the school and does have keys that fit the machine," the officer noted. Police ran a computer check on the suspect's license plate number. The Barney Fife look-alike's getaway car is registered to a woman who lives in White, Ga.

Sin City

A 34-year-old man said he went to Atlanta City Hall and someone stole $1,000 from him. "He stated that he last recalled seeing his wallet after providing his identification to a City Hall employee," an officer wrote. "He said his presence was requested in another area [of City Hall] so he left for approximately 8 to 10 minutes. Upon returning to the front desk and retrieving his identification, he realized that he no longer had his wallet." The man looked around — he was certain he'd left his wallet on the counter. "He said he was advised by staff at City Hall to return the following day to speak with security regarding possible video of the incident."

The next day, the man returned to City Hall to talk with security, but this time, guards reportedly said he needed to file a police report to obtain City Hall's surveillance video of the incident. The man said his missing wallet contained $1,000 cash and about eight credit cards. Days later, fraudulent charges started showing up on four of his credit cards.

Screws & leather

A 43-year-old man said he met a 23-year-old man at a gas station one night and they returned to the 43-year-old man's home and spent the night together. The next morning, the older man took his new young lover to McDonald's for breakfast. While they ate, the younger man asked to be dropped off at his friend's apartment.

As they pulled up to the apartment complex, the younger man asked to borrow the older man's iPhone to make a call. The older man unlocked his iPhone and handed it over. The young lover dialed, started chatting, and hopped out of the car, still talking on phone. The older man jumped out and told him not to walk away with his iPhone. The younger man said he needed to go into his friend's apartment to get something and he'd be right back. At this point, the older man said he lunged for his phone and began tussling in the mud with the younger man. During the mud-wrestling match, the young man allegedly used a ballpoint pen to scratch and scribble on the older man's face. The older man said his keychain broke during the mud battle, and his young lover swiped some of his keys. The older man retaliated by biting the young lover's forearm. Eventually, the older man wrestled his iPhone away and tried to get back into his car. The younger man stepped between him and the car door, grabbed a screwdriver from the car floor, and stabbed the older man "but did not penetrate his leather jacket," according to the police report. Then the younger man chased the older guy down the street while "brandishing the screwdriver."

When cops arrived, the two men were waving and pointing at each other. The young man said he tried to stab the older man in self-defense, but the leather jacket stopped the screwdriver. Cops searched the young man and found the older guy's broken iPhone, headphones, and keys in his jeans pocket. He went to jail on charges of theft and aggravated assault.

Bouncy brain

In Buckhead, a white BMW stalled out on Roxboro Road. The BMW was in the center turn lane with the rear tire "up on the curve surrounding the grass median," an officer noted. A 41-year-old woman "was still in the driver's seat, wearing her seat belt, the key to the vehicle was in the ignition, and there was a young girl walking around inside the vehicle." The young girl is the woman's 2-year-old daughter. The woman had a plastic cast on her right arm. The officer asked: "What's going on?" The woman replied, "I already told you." The officer said, "No, you may have told the other officer, I just arrived." The woman said, "I was going to get something to eat and then going to the 'bouncy ball' so my daughter can play, but I ran out of gas." The officer noted, "As I continued to talk to [the woman] I had suspicions that she may be under the influence of some medication. [She] appeared confused with my questions, she would take a few seconds to reply, and would stair [sic] at me like a 'deer in headlights.'" The officer continued, "I also noticed she had pinpoint pupils. The woman admitted she'd taken hydrocodone and Valium four or five hours ago because she just had surgery for spinal issues and her doctor said she can drive four hours after taking the meds.

The officer asked, "What time did you take your medication?" Around lunchtime, the woman said. "I asked when was lunch and she stated at 11. I then asked what time is it now and she stated it's like 5 p.m." Not quite. Actually, it was 12:35 p.m., the officer noted. "I then asked her for today's day and date." The woman said Sunday. Nope, Monday.

The husband arrived and took their toddler daughter. The officer arrested the woman for driving under the influence. En route to jail she said, "I still do not understand why I am going to jail. I did not do anything wrong, the medication is prescribed to me. I needed the medication for pain." Minutes later, the officer noted, "I could see [the woman] continuously falling asleep and suddenly waking up and shaking her head in an attempt to wake up."

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.

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