The Blotter: Monkey business

In Chosewood Park, a 26-year-old man said his ex-girlfriend came over to his apartment for a chat. The conversation didn’t go well, apparently, so the man left his apartment. When he returned he saw his ex-girlfriend standing next to his car. She quickly vanished. The word “MONKEY” was scratched into the car’s left side. Apparently, “Monkey” is a nickname his ex-girlfriend used to call him.

Fowl play

At a Kentucky Fried Chicken in Collier Heights, a woman was ordering at the drive-thru window when a “red gallon of paint” suddenly sloshed over her brown pickup truck. Police arrived at the KFC. “The pavement was covered in red paint,” an officer noted. The woman’s truck was red and gooey. Apparently, a KFC employee had left a full can of red paint near the drive-thru speakers. The manager said he would fill out KFC paperwork for the incident and would notify the KFC corporate office.

No red-carpet treatment

The new Lebron James executive-produced Starz basketball comedy show “Survivors Remorse” is currently shooting in Atlanta. Recently, a staffer for the show said she parked a production truck on Faulkner Road near Cheshire Bridge Road and left it there overnight. During that time someone spray-painted red graffiti all over the truck. There were no witnesses and no surveillance cameras. The production truck is worth about $25,000.

Red-eye special

A 20-year-old man smashed his white Audi into the Georgia World Congress Center. After crashing his car, the man jumped out of the damaged vehicle, hopped into a silver Mercedes-Benz, and sped away. Moments later, cops arrived on the scene.

The smashed Audi was still there and filled with passengers. One passenger said they’d just left a nightclub and were going really fast. Apparently the Audi driver and the Mercedes driver were racing each other when both cars tried to make the left turn at Northside Drive. The Mercedes successfully made the turn while the Audi crashed through a gate and into the Georgia World Congress Center. The cop immediately placed a lookout for the silver Mercedes-Benz. Moments later, police found the Mercedes in Midtown — still carrying the 20-year-old Audi driver. Police hauled the man back to the scene.

The Audi driver admitted that yes, he was racing the Mercedes-Benz when he crashed into the GWCC. The driver’s “eyes were red, and he was very belligerent,” the cop noted, adding that the driver “would randomly start and stop crying while saying, ‘I can’t believe I crashed my car.’” He went to jail for a DUI, hit and run, and a plethora of other charges.

“You talkin’ to me?”

In North Buckhead, an Uber driver went to pick up a male caller at a bar on Roswell Road. The Uber driver stated that when he arrived, the male caller alledgedly ran up to his car and screamed that the Uber driver is a “fucking foreigner” who is “only here to make money.” Then the man threw an alcoholic beverage at the Uber driver’s face, soaking his left eye, his coat, and the front seat of his Uber car. Then the man who dialed Uber promptly hopped into a yellow Atlanta taxicab and left. The Uber driver wrote down the taxicab number and gave it to police. A cop called the taxicab company, but no one answered.

Officer Manners gets his revenge

In Joyland, a cop saw a silver Jeep blow through two red lights. “The Jeep did not even attempt to slow down or stop,” the cop noted. Flashing his blue lights, the cop pulled over the Jeep and asked the driver to roll down his window. “The driver made a rude comment about the windows,” the cop noted. The cop asked the driver if he was in a hurry to get somewhere. No rush, the driver replied. “I then asked everyone in the vehicle to please provide me with identification,” the cop noted. “All the passengers ... including the driver, thought this was a joke and started laughing and making snide comments.” Eventually, they realized this cop is very serious about proper decorum. “I asked the driver to please step out of the vehicle. ... I then spoke to him and not his rude passengers,” the cop noted. “I told him I did not appreciate the way he was speaking to me and acting to me at this time.” The driver apologized.

The officer went to his patrol car and ran all of the passengers’ identifications on his computer: Bingo. Turns out, a 29-year-old male passenger was wanted on forgery charges in DeKalb County, so the cop hauled him off to jail. The smart-mouth driver got a ticket for running red lights.

The X Files

In Capitol View, a woman and her cousin were driving to the store and stopped at a red light. Looking up, the woman saw her 64-year-old ex-boyfriend looming near her car. Suddenly, the ex hurled a “full can of pop” into her car and kept walking. The woman called police to report the soda-drenching. An officer listened to her story and noted the woman’s “only witness is her cousin, who left the scene before I arrived because he had a warrant.”

Items in the Blotter are taken from actual Atlanta police reports. The Blotter Diva compiles them and puts them into her own words.